Tag Archives: Christmas

What I don’t want for Christmas

Hey, all!  it is time once again for our Third Annual ‘What I DON’T want for Christmas post.  I didn’t think I’d be able to top the handerpants from last year – you remember those, right?  underwear for your hands?  Well, I’ll just let you be the judge. 

Before I begin, I have to tell you that these yearly posts evidently DO serve some purpose (I’m as shocked as you are, trust me).  I actually had one reader tell me that he bought an item from one of my previous lists to give to one of his coworkers.   Want to know what he bought?  The squirrel underpants!  Yep.  I did that.   

Without further ado, let’s get to the goods for our stinking stockings – and as always, remember – these items are actually for sale!  Just click on the links and you’ll be transported to the land of misfit presents.  Are we ready? 


Number 5:  For that special man in your life, it’s Stacey – The Original Dashboard Pole Dancer!  A perfect gift if you don’t mind your significant other paying zero attention to the road on which he’s driving. On sale, ladies – for $8.99.



Number 4:   …..It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas – every where you go.  I don’t know about you, but I think I’d prefer the scent of gingerbread.  If you’re looking for something a bit more potent, try the comfort of butt for the small price of $19.99 with Santa’s Farting Butt Travel Pillow  Women obviously love them – I mean, look at how excited this lady is!  Shows how little I know.

Santa's Farting Butt Travel Pillow



Number 3:  And for the kids, it’s their very own nightmare…er,  I mean teddy bear lamp.  Except that this teddy bear’s head has been decapitated and a lamp shade is jammed in its place.  Maybe the goal of this gift is to break your little one’s habit of needing the nightlight on.  If this doesn’t break that habit, I don’t know what would.  This isn’t a cheap gift, either, at over $100 bucks. 



Number 2:  Racing Grannies.  These grannies have had a feud going since 1937 and have been trying to outrace each other ever since.  No batteries needed.  Just wind ‘em up and place your bets.



…and the Number 1 Christmas gift that I do not want this year:

 Bacon flavored frosting.  This little item is really a miracle in a tube. Why?  Because I can guarantee this to be one cake I’d have zero interest in eating.  I’m a creative gal; I could figure out SOME way to use any of the above items if I thought long enough.  But this?  Straight into the garbage.  Cost of being grossed-out:  $5.95.


Did anyone receive any crap-tastic gifts last year?  If so, share them in the comments section below Smile

Christmas Eve in Chicago and Hate-Loss Challenge Info

How was your holiday weekend?  I hope each one of you had a joyful yet peaceful one. 




My husband and I spent Friday evening in Chicago and had a nice view of the river (and the gargantuan new Trump Tower) from our room, as well as a giant window seat where we spent the majority of our night sitting side by side, sipping wine and looking out at the festive lights all across the city.




I received exactly what I wanted for Christmas this year: 24 solid hours with no phones ringing, no bosses calling either one of us into work, no dogs demanding to be petted, walked, entertained (sorry, dogs – you know I love you!) and above all else, being able to sit together and talk about anything and everything. 

We did walk up and down Michigan Avenue for a couple of hours and let me tell you, it was insane!  So nice to come back to our quiet window and watch the madness from up high!




On another note, I’ve been receiving a few emails and comments from readers asking for more details regarding our upcoming Hate-Loss Challenge.  Today I thought I’d give you a good idea on what to expect should you decide to join – we begin in only a few days!


1.  Positive Reinforcement Sheet:

If you were part of the Challenge last year, you remember that our month was entirely focused on mindfulness.  I asked participants to create a Positive Reinforcement Sheet (or use the one I had made) that contained positive, affirming words, and spend time each day repeating those words to themselves.  I kept my copy in my car, on my mirror and on my refrigerator.  This gave me several opportunities to think and/or say positive thoughts about myself (which is not an easy exercise if you’re used to putting yourself down all of the time.)  After the first couple of weeks, the words came easier and I actually began thinking differently about myself as a result. I received a lot of positive feedback from those who used this exercise and was told that it turned out to be very helpful.

We will be using a Positive Reinforcement Sheet again for 2012’s Challenge.  Being mindful will allow you to meet each moment with full-awareness.  Filling your mind with these positive thoughts will serve as a reminder to be more compassionate with yourself.   Eliminate insecurities that are weighing you down by giving yourself the love and respect you deserve.



Positive Reinforcement Sheet:


Hate-Loss Challenge:

During the month of January, 2012, I am vowing to make a resolution to have pride in myself, no matter what size I am- each and every day. January will be the month that I set in motion a healthy habit to rid my vocabulary of words that aim to destroy my self-esteem. By the end of January I hope to have set a permanent habit into motion as I continue to feel better about my value, importance, and place in this world.

Rules: At least once a day I must attempt to use one or more of these words in my vocabulary about myself:

I am….

strong, courageous, beautiful/handsome, creative, kind, better, unique, remarkable, open-minded, intelligent, confident, conditioned, fascinating, pleasing. I will say the words out loud. I will listen to how they sound as they are defining me!

Off Limits: Words I will try to refrain from using: failure, undeserving, incompetent, lazy, no-good, fat, unattractive, stupid, sloppy, defeated, unworthy.

One Final Consideration: It’s OK to be angry. It’s OK to have off-days, but I won’t let negative thoughts consume me. I will pick myself up, dust myself off and make an effort to never, ever let destructive words define who I am.



There will be a permanent copy of this sheet along with all of the other information you need on the Hate-Loss Challenge tab at the top of my blog.


2.  Weekly Topic List:

In addition, I will have a specific topic prepared for each Thursday update. I will post that week’s topic every Monday morning. This will give you a chance to think about and write your post for Group Therapy Thursday.


3.  Group Therapy Thursday

This is a virtual meeting place to come together and work through our concerns, feelings, frustrations or breakthroughs that we’re experiencing during the challenge.  It’s also where we can support each other and offer advice.  All participants will post about their progress on Group Therapy Thursdays.   You may write about the challenge on your blog as often as you’d like; just remember that everyone will meet back here at Fat Girl Wearing Thin every Thursday where you will do one of two things:

If you run a blog: share with your readers about your involvement in the Challenge.  Post about your interaction with the Positive Reinforcement Sheet as well as that week’s topic.  You will then visit my blog and leave a comment with a link back to your progress post so that other participants can read, visit, and connect with you on your blog.

If you do not run a blog: Simply submit a progress report in the comment section of my blog each Thursday. 



  • The official start of the challenge is January 1st, 2012 and will run until January 31st, 2012.
  • At some point before January, create your own Reinforcement Sheet or print out a copy of the one I’ve created and keep it in a place where you will see it every day: on your bathroom mirror, in your car, in your purse, in your gym bag, on your nightstand. These are the words you will use to describe yourself for the month.  When you say the words, I strongly encourage you to say them out loud. It is important to hear the positive words being used to describe you, and it validates the word(s) you are saying.  This is not an easy exercise.  You may feel self-conscious, foolish or ridiculous at first, but it’s important to keep saying them.  Who better to shower you with praise than you?  Eventually these words will become easier to say and negative thought patterns will hopefully begin to soften, making you more aware of the many exceptional things that define you.
  • Weekly Topic Ideas will be posted on my blog every Monday.
  • Group Therapy Thursday dates are: January 5th, January 12th, January 19th, January 26th

If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to contact me.  Have a great Monday!



What I Don’t Want For Christmas

If you’re looking for last-minute gift ideas for the holidays, I’ve got something important to say to you!  Keep going!  Don’t slow down here to read this post!  Run.  Run fast I tell you!  For here is my second annual, What I Don’t Want for Christmas Post and boy, do I have some goodies for the ole’ rotten stocking this year.  

Oh, and don’t forget: each and every one of these items is actually for sale on the Internet.  Yes, really. 

Are We Ready? 










…and last but not least, the search for that one special ornament for your tree has been found I tell you!  I’ve always said, nothing says Christmas like hangin’ bacon.  


What was your, um…most interesting gift ever? 

Monday Musings: What I don’t want for Christmas.

All year long I can rattle off things that I’d love to have for Christmas.  If you followed me around with paper and pen, you’d probably have a list a mile long.  But when my husband asks me around mid-December, ‘Honey, I have no idea what to get you for Christmas.  Is there anything special that you want?’  I draw a complete and utter blank.  Buying for him is no easy task, let me tell you.  He is a hard one to shop for but I keep my eyes and ears open all year long so I don’t have this kind of problem when I go shopping for him.

This year when he asked – those deer caught in the headlights look and all – I decided to flip though the dozen or so catalogs we get through the mail this time of year and actually browse for things.  I thought I’d share with you some of the items I WON’T be asking for this Christmas.


Mmm……know what makes me hungry for a snack?  Looking at cat butt magnets on my refrigerator door. 


Speaking of food…who wouldn’t want an inflatable turkey for Christmas?  I had to post this strictly for the description of the item, which says: it’s great for batting around on a sunny day at the beach!   Um…what’s that now? 


This is Sasho the Sumo Wrestler.  He’s been reduced for the holiday price of only $225.  A quick question: are you supposed to point the butt to the east or the west for good luck?

Don’t get excited (no pun intended) but this doesn’t even DO anything!  It may look like a  flash drive but oh, no……it’s the USB Humping Dog.  Yep.  You plug it in, and it ho-ho-humps your computer.   

Can you believe it?  I caught a glimpse of bigfoot as he was trying to steal all of my holiday cheer :(     What?  He’s just a holiday ornament?!  Darn, there goes my plan to be rich by Christmas. 


I kid you not – this is a real item that you can purchase right now for the small price of $9.95:  Squirrel Underpants.  Don’t have any naked squirrels in your yard to give you rabies as you’re trying to wrestle a pair onto him?  No worries!  These work just as well with hamsters and gerbils. 



One last prayer to the angels that be, please don’t let this be in my stocking:

Yes, it’s Trap-a-Crap, by the same people who brought you Poo-Pourri.  According to the makers, “this SECRET blend of natural essential oils effectively traps the odors from your toilet bowl before they can escape and infiltrate the environment!”


What was your worst Christmas gift ever?