My husband can always tell when my anxiety is getting the better of me. I will assume that I’m doing a fine job at keeping my disorder to myself but he knows differently. This past week while I’ve been awaiting word regarding my upcoming eye surgery I guess I’ve been dropping clues like breadcrumbs. I’ve been edgy, nauseated, and having a difficult time concentrating. When I sit down I must be moving ‘some’ part of my body so that nervous energy can release itself and hand-wringing begins.
If things had just gone remotely smooth I wouldn’t feel nearly as lousy as I do right now but I’m beginning to learn that when insurance is involved, things rarely go smoothly.
As I mentioned in my prior post, I was awaiting an appointment from the eye surgeon. Yesterday morning I received my appointment date: mid-September – and this was ONLY for a consult. I called my dermatologist’s office and told the nurse that it was my understanding that since this mole on my eyelid needed to be removed and tested for melanoma, that it was imperative I have the surgery as soon as possible. Sorry, she said. That is the soonest appointment he had available.
‘Is there anyone else in the surrounding area that can do this surgery?’ I asked. She said that she would make some phone calls and get back with me. A while later the phone rang.
‘I can get you in to the surgery center fairly soon but your surgery will be considered and elective procedure so you’ll have to bring cash with you when you come.’ Cash? Elective? I asked for clarification.
‘Well,’ she continued. ‘Your insurance company is looking at this as a cosmetic procedure and insurance will not pay for these kinds of surgeries.’ I said, ‘but this isn’t an elective procedure – it’s a medical requirement because of a suspect mole!’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But because there is no diagnosis as of yet, it’s technically an elective procedure.’ Sigh. But I can’t get a diagnosis until I have the procedure.
…and it gets worse. If I choose to be sedated I’ll have to pay nearly $3000 out of pocket as opposed to having the surgery with a local anesthetic.
Guess who is being forced into being awake for this surgery? This girl.
The date has been set for July 10th at 1:30 PM. Between now and then I must find a way to get through this as calmly as I can. Right now all I feel like doing is bursting into tears but I realize that much of this is out of sheer frustration and being forced into playing ‘the waiting game’ for another month.
I finished my painting.
Title: The Weight
…a fitting title at that. You can tell that she is anxious, on alert – waiting for direction. Yet the look on her face also indicates that she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Anxiety will do that to a person.