Category Archives: Personal

Self Critique

  April 5, 2013 - 12:02 PM | ,
10 Comments

When I was majoring in graphic design in college I had a class that was titled: Drawing Critique.  It was a semester of insane project deadlines and when it was time to submit the artwork, part of our grade was  standing in front of the class as fellow classmates critiqued the work of the student in front of them.  Rule Number One:  No compliments allowed.  If you didn’t have something bad to say, you didn’t say anything at all.  And if you chose not to say anything? You’d be docked half a grade.  Oh, and if you thought you could get out of critique by not showing up for class that day?  Again, you were docked half a grade. 

I hated that class.  HATED it.  To me, it was much worse than than Public Speaking because not only did I have to stand and listen to 15-20 of my fellow students say harsh words about something I worked hard at creating but in return, I had to say the very same things to the classmates around me. 

I sat uncomfortably and watched as incredibly talented artists stood – some with stunning pieces of art, while others ripped them to shreds. The walk back to was always filled with either frustration and angst, embarrassment or just plain hatred on their faces.  No one left unscathed during Friday critique.

Looking back, I think about what I was supposed to learn from that class.  How to develop a tough skin?  Take criticism like a champ?  Probably; but I also think that my professor didn’t want there to be any shining students.  He wanted all of us to be on the same playing field – as equals.  Still, I never understood why we weren’t allowed to follow constructive criticism with something positive about the work.  Was that such a crime? 

I think the point of Drawing Critique was to teach us that there is always room for improvement.  Always.

Believe it or not, that class has had an effect that’s stayed with me to this day.  I think it’s one of the reasons why it is still difficult for me to accept a compliment.  When someone tells me that they like my artwork or that I look nice, I wait for the ‘….however’ to come.  When it doesn’t, I’m all ready to lend a hand and come back with my own critique so that I can ‘even things out’;  I don’t even need a roomful of students to do it. 

My hair looks nice?  Maybe, but did you see my dumpy clothes?

You like my clothes?  Possibly, but have you seen how lousy my hair looks? 

You like my paintings?  I can find you an artist who does a much better job than I. 

Can I blame all of my adult insecurities on an art class?   Mmm – okay.  Just for today. 

I’m not saying that criticism has no place in this world, because it truly does.  But with criticism should also come commendation and praise.  Otherwise you end up with people like me who fight with the words, ‘Thank you’ at the age of 43. 

There will always be someone out there who’s more than willing to ‘help me’ by telling me that I’m doing things wrong or that I should be more like someone else, but I’m making great strides on that front.  I don’t have to obey a professor’s rules in exchange for a good grade anymore.  My self esteem is worth much more than an A+. 

I love this photograph:

 

Lesson:  Laugh it off.   

And to my college professor, I leave this quote:

I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.
Charles Schwab

Have a great weekend, everyone. 

~Ellen

Much in the Mundane

  January 7, 2013 - 9:12 AM |
17 Comments

Happy Monday, everyone!  I hope you all had a great weekend.  last night I decided to crown myself Miss Productivity which is really just a fancy way of saying that I crossed off a lot of items on my To-Do list over the weekend.  As a result, you’re in for an off-the-cuff post with a few photos thrown in which will hopefully hold your attention.  (that was your warning in case you want to hop past this blog and on to another, but if you stay, you’ll learn something new about me…….nice bribe, eh?)

 

On New Year’s Eve Craig and I went out with our friends Mel and John to a NYE Bash at a local pub where we ate like it was 1999, had a few drinks and danced to a pretty decent band. Did you know that songs by artists like Billy Joel and Duran Duran are now considered oldies?  Seriously. 

(Attention grabbing photo number one):

 

I started imagining myself at the nursing home trying to get the attention of the man on stage at the weekly sing-along: ‘Hey there, Sonny – sing, ‘I Wanna Be Your Lover’ by Prince!’ 

We had a great time and rang in the New Year celebrating some news I’d received earlier in the day.  The owner of an artisan market down in Indianapolis contacted me via my Etsy shop and mentioned that she liked my work.  She wanted to know if I’d be interested in selling there.  I returned her email and we discussed commission, what pieces she wanted, etc. I quickly realized what an incredible opportunity this will be for me.  Since New Year’s Day I’ve been creating as much as possible for my upcoming trip down there next weekend.

 

 

I am still on Week 5 of C25K because I’ve made painting my priority over the last few days and haven’t had much energy to do anything else.  My friend Laurie emailed me a couple of weeks ago (I promise I will write soon, Laurie!) who is an avid runner and running coach.  When she read in my post that I was doing C25K she asked what/when was my target race.  I wanted to reply with a grown-up, sophisticated answer but honestly, I have absolutely no idea what that means.  The app I’m using is so basic it gives no additional information, so here is my extremely unsophisticated, very green answer to that question: 

When I hear the ‘DING’ sound, I run.  When it dings again, I walk. (hands over eyes)

HOWEVER…

Today I took a break from creating note cards and went down to do my last run for Week 5 and I took note of what rolls across my treadmill screen after each workout.  Including my walking intervals I’m averaging a 14 minute mile.  I have no idea if this is good or bad but I do know this: I am running at 5 mph for 7 minutes straight and that’s better than what I was averaging before my surgery. 

 

(Attention grabbing photo number two):

 

I am showing that treadmill who’s boss! Well, maybe not yet – but it’s coming; I can feel it!

 

 

So, this last photo has nothing to do with anything really, but since you’ve read this far I decided to reward you with a piece of information that I’ve never shared on my blog before – EVER: 

I’d like you to meet Gustav: 

(Attention grabbing photo number three):

 

Pardon the water stains on the aquarium glass and please marvel at his sweet self, instead. Didn’t know I had another male in my life, did you?  We’ve been together for about a year and a half, now.  He’s looking pretty excited because he’s getting a bigger home soon.  He’s completely outgrown his little tank and is more than ready to move up to the East Side.  (See?  Sometimes even mundane posts can unveil magical pieces of information!)  lol

Oh, and for those of you who wonder ‘why the name Gustav?’  he’s named after one of my favorite artists, Gustav Klimt.  You might recognize one of his more famous paintings:

 

The Kiss

 

That’s about it for today.  I’m going to be painting for the rest of the week with a couple of much needed yoga classes tucked in there somewhere to help keep me centered.  I’ll look forward to meeting you back here on Thursday for our first Group Therapy Day of the HL Challenge. 

XO,

~Ellen

working weekend

  October 22, 2012 - 10:22 AM |
20 Comments

This was a working weekend, of sorts.  While my husband and nephew moved all of our family room furniture out to the garage so we could prepare for some much needed new carpet, I made a point of moving all of my art supplies back down to my studio in the basement. 

FACT:  If you asked me to come to your house right now, I could organize any room, closet or drawer with ease.  I excel at doing things like this.  But, in my own home? I wander aimlessly back and forth with an armful of things wishing I had a black plastic bag that I could stuff everything into and then shove into a cabinet. 

When I came home from the hospital, my husband brought my easel, canvases and a box of paints up to the first floor where I would be recuperating for the next 10 days.  I painted mostly at the dining room table because it had the most light and I could go out onto the deck when I needed a break.  Since that time I’ve watched the seasons change from late Spring to Summer, and now Fall.  I needed to move back to my proper studio, and not just because it was where the majority of my supplies were.  Other than the fact that we seriously needed our dining room table back as a place to eat and not a work station, I needed to be on a floor where the kitchen was not. 

Working from home has been challenging.  Convenient – but challenging.   Don’t get me wrong, I’m a great employee.  I work with diligence and I rarely take breaks.  However, my kitchen had become the equivalent to that of a typical office break room: microwave, refrigerator, water on demand, and plenty of snacks.  All it was missing was the office gossip, ‘Mr. Blabbermouth’ (yes, my imaginary catty troublemaker is a man.  Gotta break those stereotypes!)  And I know exactly what he’d be whispering:  ‘Psst.  Did you hear that Ellen left her easel 4 times this morning and went straight to the cupboard?  Uh-huh.  I know!  Can you believe it?  I overheard someone say that she stood there for 5 minutes as if she were expecting a candy bar to appear!  But you didn’t hear it from me – I mean, it’s none of my business.’ 

I am not self-sabotaging, but I see this becoming a potential problem if I am not proactive about it; so, downstairs I go. Sometimes its just easier to make minor adjustments now in order to avoid major upset later on. 

Yesterday was my first day painting downstairs and I’d actually forgotten the convenience of having all of my supplies within arms reach.  I don’t know why I waited so long. 

I am continuing to paint inspirational quotes onto my tree paintings.  I am drawn to these and plan on doing a few for each changing season.  Here is the latest, available on Etsy:

 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/112232603/inspiration-motivation-quote-word-tree

 

In other news, I got a JOB!  Well, it’s temporary, but at least I’m back in the workforce for a few weeks.  I’m working as a freelance writer for a local company who’s hired me to write a few articles for them.  And I have a deadline which I’m not used to but I’ll make it happen.  I’ve got a week to make this the best article EVER!!  Or, at least legible.  lol

Not much else to report for today, except:  I learned over the weekend that there is a Dunkin Donuts going up literally 60 seconds from my home.  Seriously.  Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that DD have a history together – we actually used to date for a while.  I’m trying keep in mind that they will do my body NO good whatsoever, but my mouth is thinking of all kinds of dirty thoughts.  Someone please tell me that they don’t taste as well as I remember when I was a kid. Otherwise, part of me feels DOOMED, I tell you!  lol

I hope you all had a great weekend and as always, thanks for reading today.  xo

Ellen

Mail Call: Answering a question about weight loss

  October 15, 2012 - 10:03 AM | , ,
36 Comments

Recently, I’ve been fortunate enough to have many people from all over the US contact me because of the article in Woman’s Day Magazine.  Most inquiries are from women who share their own struggles with weight loss; others offer encouraging words or have questions about how I’ve been able to maintain for so long. 

This weekend I received an email from a woman who asked this question:

What snapped you into action?  I read in the article that you decided to lose weight shortly after your dad’s death, but was wondering if there was a specific moment that made you say to yourself, ‘from today on, no matter what, I’m never going to be this heavy again.’ 

I think that maybe what she was asking was whether or not I had experienced one of Oprah’s ‘aha’ moments – an event or significant happening that started my path towards a healthier lifestyle .  Let me share with you this story:

When I started college I had no idea that I’d gain roughly 15 pounds every year for the next 6 or 7 years.  By the time I hit my all time high, the only medical problem I had was degenerative disc disease, aka: a bad back – though I wouldn’t be properly diagnosed until many years later. One thing I did know however – the more weight I carried, the worse my back became. 

One day, my mother called and asked if she could bring my oldest brother over for a visit.  My brother, who is mentally handicapped, had come home for a few days and wanted to come over.  I had some laundry to do so I let my mother know that I’d be leaving the front door unlocked in case they arrived  while I was still in the basement. 

I put a load of laundry into the washing machine and walked up the stairs.  There was some mail on the counter that I quickly perused;  when I turned to toss the junk mail into the trash, I felt a rippling sensation in my lower back that brought me to my knees, then flat on my back onto the kitchen floor.  Every time I tried to move, the spasms knocked the wind out of me.  I was literally paralyzed from pain. 

It’s okay.  It’s fine, I thought. Mom will be here any minute and she’ll help me up.  I heard the doorbell ring and yelled, ‘Come in!  I’m in the kitchen!’  Moments later, I could see two pairs of legs walk up towards me and heard my mother say, ‘Good lord, what happened to you?’  I tried to explain that my back went into severe spasms every time I attempted to move, but my brother, whom I’d already forgotten was standing behind my mom began singing in an amused voice, ‘My sister’s having a seizure!  Are you having a seizure Ellen?  Mom, Ellen’s having a seizure! Seizure, seizure!’  **Side note: if you’re wondering whether its appropriate to laugh at this part of the story, the answer is yes.  In fact to this day, my brother who never forgets anything, still asks me when I’m going to have another seizure because he wants to be there when the fire trucks come!**  Both Mom and I tried to explain to him that I was NOT having  seizure; I’d simply hurt my back but he liked his version better – way more exciting! 

My idea of being helped to my feet was a joke.  Any attempt to lift my legs from the ground sent my back into wild, debilitating spasms.  If I lifted my head the same thing would happen.  Finally, with my mother’s urging and brother’s observances, ‘Ellen’s going to swallow her tongue’ , yes she is.’ I relented and allowed Mom to call for an ambulance. 

Less than ten minutes later the front of my house looked like the scene of a recent crime.  There was a fire truck blocking the street, with lights flashing.  Two police cars pulled up behind it, and an ambulance was on it’s way.  The firemen arrived in the house first and one of them was carrying a backboard.  I panicked and my first thought was: how many of them is it going to take to move me from here out to an ambulance?   To make things even worse, I knew one of the firemen.  We hadn’t seen each other since high school. At first he didn’t recognize me.  The vulnerability and humiliation I felt dropped like a lead balloon when my mother told him my name. I watched as his shock quickly changed to composure. 

 

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by something that your mind makes the decision to shut itself down in order to refrain from having to deal with what’s happening?  Yeah well, I tried that and it didn’t work.  So, I made the decision that no matter what I was simply going to keep my eyes closed so I didn’t have to look at anyone or anything around me. 

I heard things like my mom talking on the phone trying to make arrangements for someone to drive my brother home while she accompanied me to the hospital.  I listened and answered questions as the paramedics took my medical history and blood pressure.  I heard the firemen discuss how many of them it would take in order to get me safely down two flights of steps and out into the ambulance (the answer was four).  I kept my eyes shut tight as I held a death grip onto one of the firemen’s arm as they tilted and angled me from side to side until we were safely on the sidewalk; my eyes remained closed as the kids from the neighborhood asked ‘Did that lady get shot?  Is she dead?’  I wished for that moment to end – not because of the excruciating pain I was in, but because I wondered if it were possible for someone to literally die from embarrassment.  On the street waiting for me was a gurney to which I was transferred. They lifted my body into the ambulance and closed the doors.  Slowly, I opened my eyes. 

It took over 10 days before I would recover enough to return to work.  From that period and for the next 5 years my back would go out 3 more times.  I have permanent damage as a result of these bad discs but luckily since meeting my goal weight, my back hasn’t gone out since. 

Not until that day had I ever been more conscious of how heavy I was.  I can still feel my cheeks get warm when think of the embarrassment I felt.  I’d like to be able to tell you that on that day I made the decision to change my life and begin a healthier lifestyle.  It would make for a great ‘aha’ moment, but it simply didn’t happen.  I continued to gain.  Then my father died.  It’s true that shortly after the funeral I awoke and knew that on that day I was ready for a change, but it wasn’t immediately after his death.  I remember using food to numb my grief long after the funeral was over.  

My thought is this:  maybe some people have an ‘aha’ moment.  Maybe a major event takes place and at precisely that time a wave of energy floods that person and he or she feels forever changed.  I do believe that for ever action there is a reaction, but sometimes our reaction to negative things comes in the form of a seed that’s planted.  For every embarrassing moment, every humiliating experience, I tried to carry on the way I always had because I thought it proved I was strong enough to rise above it.  Though I didn’t acknowledge it at that time, those seeds were there – and they were growing.   The day I decided to change my life was most likely a day like any other, except for the fact that I had outgrown the ability to ignore what was happening within me.  I couldn’t shut my eyes any longer so I opened them, took a deep breath, and started a new path. 

 

Perhaps some of you can help answer this woman’s question from your own point of view.  Did you have a moment that snapped you into action, or was it small changes along the way that brought you to a better place in your life?

Gratitude in Abundance

  October 3, 2012 - 4:11 PM |
23 Comments

Gratitude. 

I am all about it, lately. 

I was with my mother yesterday as she went to see her surgeon about her recurring leg pain.  Despite the fact that she is physically healed from the horrific accident that almost ended her life, it is over two years later and she is in daily pain.  Yet, for my mother, she rarely complains about it.  It appears that removing the screws that are in her knee may just relieve some of the pain she’s experiencing, so as a family, we may be gearing up for another rally as Mom goes through her 4th surgery.  Luckily, this one will be minor and outpatient compared to the others, but surgery is still surgery and no one knows surgery better than she.  And I. 

In two days it will be 4 months since my own surgery and I have dedicated myself to writing a gratitude list every night before bed.  Some nights as I shift underneath my heating pad I don’t feel like being grateful – especially when ‘heating pad’ is one of the things I’m grateful for, but the more I write, the more grateful I become.  It’s true.  Habits form and it feels like the brain is slowly being rewired to see life differently. 

So, in these days of heating pads and ibuprofen, I cannot tell you how lifted I felt as I read from Teresa’s post that I was on her gratitude list – me!  (I know, right?)  What a beautiful thing to know that you are a presence in someone’s life.  She is certainly a presence in mine. 

You must know this about yourself.  There are people who look to you, believe in you, admire you, feel comforted by you and love you.  Yes, life gets in the way and words go unsaid, but they come when you least expect it and when they do, let me just say, it feeds the soul.   

Of course, to receive we must also give, so today I give my gratitude list to Teresa for her Monthly Gratitude Post instead of leaving it my personal journal:

1.  I am grateful for the fact that I feel my body working hard to recover from my surgery, and to know that soon, I will be in a much better, stronger place than ever before.

2.  I am particularly grateful to see nature in the form of compositions like this around my neighborhood:

 

 

 

3. I am grateful for this blog and for every single one of you who reads it. I realize that it has gone though a series of multiple personality changes over the past few months as I search for a new writing voice, but to those of you who’ve hung in for the long haul, I am beyond humbled.

4. I am grateful that my mother continues to provide the kind of example I want to live by. She carries on despite her pain, and tries to make the most of every single day.

5. I am particularly grateful for my husband, Craig. The unwavering support he’s given me as I attempt to start my own business and work from home has been amazing. His faith in me gives me faith in myself.

 

Speaking of gratefulness, I’m both grateful and excited for Laura at Laura Lives Life to have generously donated some of her blog space to host a giveaway with one of my art prints being the prize:

 

 

The giveaway is still going on by the way, and a winner will be announced on Friday, so head on over to Laura’s blog and if you like this particular print leave a comment so you can be in the running to win it! 

 

What are you grateful for today?

Where were you a year ago?

  August 28, 2012 - 8:26 AM | , , ,
16 Comments

I truly heart the many Words of Wisdom from the Wise that I’ve been receiving , lately (doesn’t that phrase just beg to be capitalized?) This here – this is one of the many reasons why I love my blog and my readers: at any given time there is someone out there who has been through similar events and can share a thing or two about how to put life back into a better perspective.

Last week I found myself feeling overwhelmed because of my slow recovery from surgery and general discontent.  Cammy from Tippy Toe Diet made a comment that I’ve been thinking about on and off all weekend:

Not only am I not who I was five years ago, I’m not who I was last week, or the week before or even yesterday. To really complicate things, today I’m not who I’ll be next year or the year after. All that’s left is to be who I am today and to try to the be the best version of that that I can be.

Nothing would help solidify Cammy’s thoughts more than reading this for myself, so today I decided to go back and revisit my posts from the last week of August, 2011.  This week last year my husband and I happened to be having necessary work done on our home.  It was in an upheaval from construction workers coming and going and I was immediately reminded about how hectic life was, how busy my household was (workers were here on and off for three months!) and how I longed for some peace and quiet.

During the week of August 27th last year I had just taken my 5th yoga class ever, and was beginning to grab a hold of my inner strength by wanting to move from beginner’s yoga to a higher level class.

Also, this time last year I was succeeding in maintaining my weight while keeping far from my scale (not an easy task).

Finally, in a post from this time last year I introduced the newest addition to my garden – Shaylee:

http://www.fatgirlwearingthin.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/DSC01127-8x6.jpg

She was named by Tim from Fat.Boy.Thin who told me that Shaylee was Celtic for ‘Fairy Princess of the Field’.  How perfect was that?!

Fast-forward an entire year and here I am:

  • sitting in a peacefully quiet home.
  • Yoga is currently on the back burner for now but I know that I will eventually get back to attending my favorite classes -  Gentle Yoga and Hot Yoga.
  • Even though it doesn’t look or feel like it due to the ebb and flow of my swollen tummy, I actually weigh less than I did this time last year.
  • Not only is Shaylee still guarding by creekside, but she has been the subject of a couple of paintings during my recovery:

 

This one is still on Etsy.  The other painting is being lovingly displayed in a home somewhere in Los Angeles.

I am not the same person I was last year or last week, nor should I expect to be; I will be different tomorrow than I am today.  Next year I intend to look back on my life right now and know that I will have lots of advice, support, and my own Words of Wisdom for the next person who needs it.

Do you ever read back through your blog or journal, if you have one?  What was happening in your life this time last year?

Beginning Again

  August 17, 2012 - 9:47 AM | , ,
11 Comments

I had a déjà vu experience this week.  I found myself overwhelmed and anxious (I know, nothing new there, right?); but, it triggered a sugar craving like the ones I used to get when I was heavy.  The feeling was instantaneous.  It wasn’t a simple desire, but more like a desperate urge that I had to fill. 

No, I wasn’t on Pinterest looking at all of the food porn that’s constantly making appearances, nor had I just finished watching something from the FOOD Channel on TV.  I wasn’t even near the kitchen when it happened.  I was in my bedroom, reading.  Specifically, reading about the ‘8 Mistakes Small Business Owners Make’ when I put my laptop down and started thinking about eating. I got up from my comfy reading spot and my train of thought specifically went to lemon squares.  What my deal is with lemon squares lately, I do not know.  But there it was, festering.  I began to pace around the house, wondering which route I would take to get to the one place in town that has the best lemon squares I’ve ever had. (Damn you, Uptown Kitchen!)  Just so you know, not only was it storming outside, but it was also cold – the two things that normally wouldn’t drive me from the house for anything.  But as I say, I had serious crave brain going on. 

I changed my clothes, put on my shoes and took one last look outside at the wind and rain, and noticed something.  I couldn’t stand still.  I was shifting from one foot to the other.  Slowly, I started paying more attention to my body language – the fidgeting hands and the urge to leave the house.  I realized then that what I was experiencing was the same type of feeling I used to get in college, which always led to a sugar binge.  I’d have a deadline for an art project that I felt I wasn’t ready for;  or, say, a critique in class that left me feeling unprepared and nervous.  In other words, my anxiety was at warp speed and wanted that sweet relief it once used to get. 

I immediately sat down at the table with my coat still on, picked up a marker and slid over a piece of watercolor paper.  If I want sugar that bad, I’m going to have to work for it first, I thought.  I began to write down all of the things that I was feeling anxious about.  The first thing I wrote down was the word Etsy.  Okay, I’m obviously having anxiety over starting my own business; that’s perfectly normal.  But then I began writing things down that included phrases like: time constraints, not enough talent, fear of making mistakes, poor marketing skills, and so on. Separately, I wrote a list of frustrations I’ve been experiencing as a result of my sloth-like recuperation from surgery two months ago.

It took about 15 minutes to purge myself of the negativity I’d been keeping locked away in my mind.   When I read everything through a second time I realized that aside from my post-surgery woes, 90% of what I wrote came from something I’d recently read about starting a business.  There are endless articles online that want to show me what I’m doing wrong, what I could be doing better and why I’m not succeeding.  Realistically, if I took every piece of advice and actually did all of those things, I’d literally drive myself mad.

 

 

Starting anything, whether it’s a business or a diet can be extremely intimidating.  One of the reasons why it took me so long to regain control of my health was because it was too overwhelming to throw out all of my off-limit foods and adhere to a long list of diet rules and make time for all of the exercises and weight loss group sessions.  Doing nothing may get you nowhere, but feeling like you have to do everything perfectly can make you feel just as paralyzed, trust me. 

I may have conquered my weight issues, but stress, anxiety and fear are just a part of life.  I needed to get a handle on how I was going to deal with my feelings of doubt but reverting back to old habits was simply not an idea that I had the luxury of entertaining. 

Deep Breath……now repeat: We do what we can do. 

Okay…so, yes I’m nervous;  yes I’m scared, and yes, I’m afraid that I may screw up; but I also need to start taking my own advice.  Maybe there was a reason why Woman’s Day contacted me during the same summer that I had major surgery and my job ended. Perhaps I needed a reminder of the day I began the bold yet scary task of losing weight; of how hard, yet how rewarding it was/is.  Maybe it was to remind me that it’s okay to be overwhelmed and afraid – I just can’t let it stop me from the act of beginning. 

If you’re beginning something new,or contemplating a new start for a better life, you’re not alone.  Just remember to keep focused, do what you can and treat every little accomplishment as a big deal, because it is.  We have to remember that to succeed, we must begin, regardless of how small and insignificant the act may sound.  Because really, who knows where we might just end up? 

 

 

 

**GIVEAWAY**

I had thirteen responses to my book giveaway, and I was glad to see many new faces in the comments section!  If you’re new here, WELCOME!!

It would have been so COOL to have taken pictures of me plugging in my cyborg robot as it mathematically produced the lucky winner from its mouth (which also serves as a printer!) But, my bazillion dollar robot is unfortunately in the shop at this time so I had to resort to option 2:  asking my husband as he was leaving for work to shout out a number between 1 and 13.  He yelled back:  NUMBER ELEVEN – HAVE YOU SEEN MY COFFEE MUG?  You’ll sleep well knowing that we did find his coffee mug (and thanks honey, for the help!)  :)

So, Margot – you are my lucky winner of Unjunk Your Junk Food!   Please contact me and send me your address so I can wrap this baby up and ship it out to you ASAP!! 

To the rest of you who entered and to those who entered after the deadline, I plan another giveaway next month, as I always do around my blog’s anniversary – and I have a few great items lined up so stick around!

Have a great weekend, everyone!  See you back here next week.

xo,

~Ellen

Introvert Alert

  August 7, 2012 - 8:31 AM | , ,
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My husband and I were invited to a party this past weekend.  My friend Mel was co-hosting, and this party is a pretty big deal among those who’ve gone in the past.  What used to be a small gathering of co-workers has turned into a group of 45-50 people.  It’s turned into quite a yearly event.  We were invited last year and I can’t remember why we didn’t go but this year I decided that unless I was downright bedridden, we were going.  My decision, per usual Ellen-Style fashion, left me fidgeting days before the party.  I knew that getting out of the house would be good for me and that I’d consider it a huge achievement when it was over (like climbing Mount Everest) but that initial feeling I get beforehand, that cocktail of nerves and butterflies – that’s what I have a hard time working through. 

Introverts get a bad rap by most standards.  We tend to get labeled by those who don’t know us as being rude, pretentious weirdos who don’t like people.  I suppose all is fair in love and war however, because extroverts get just as bad a rap by being labeled as overly energetic, attention-seeking socialites who hate to be alone. 

 

I will admit, I used to consider myself completely and utterly flawed as an introvert.  I wanted nothing more than to be an extrovert for many reasons, but specifically because I was fascinated with their ability to gain energy from large groups of people.  As an introvert, being in large groups has always been very draining for me.   Over the past few years, I’ve started reevaluating my personality, my nature vs. nurture behavior. I am learning to embrace the fact that I am who I am, and if that’s an honest to goodness introvert then so be it. 

This is my house.  Welcome to where I live.

1.  I’m not a recluse.  I love people.  In fact, the few friends that I do have, I value intensely. 

2.  I don’t dislike going out in public.  I just view social engagements differently; I don’t like being out in public for as long as extroverts do. It doesn’t take me very long to see what’s happening around me, so I can assess situations fairly quickly.  I ‘get’ what’s going on and once I’ve experienced enough of my surroundings, I’m ready to go home.  It’s not that I’m bored or that I think the outing is lame.  It’s just that I get a bit drained of mental energy; I need to go home, soak in the experience and recharge.

3.  I am not boring.  I prefer the term ‘exotic’ or ‘unique’!  lol  I have plenty of things that I love to do.  It’s just that I tend to enjoy doing things that challenge me mentally and emotionally more than socially.  How many unique exotics do you know that are boring? 

4.  By definition, I am not shy.  I can certainly talk to strangers;  I just need to have something to talk about.  I prefer to engage in a conversation, not small-talk.  Unfortunately, small-talk is what generally drives conversations where groups of people congregate. 

 

A dear friend of mine recently provided with me with a list of tips on how to engage in small-talk when it doesn’t come naturally.  You can find the full article here.  Basically, it involves asking questions that will encourage a conversation.  I received this list after my party this weekend but upon reading it I was glad to see that I’d used some of the conversation-starters on my own:

‘So, how do you know our host/hostess?’

‘Have you been to this party before?’ 

‘What line of work are you in?’  (an oldie, but it works!)

What I liked about the article most was being reminded of this line:    Your words may be forgotten, but how you make people feel will be remembered. 

That is completely and utterly true. 

So, you ask – how did the party go this weekend?  I was glad that I went, and it helped solidify some newly found friendships which is always a good thing.  Plus, when we get invited to future events it won’t be so stressful beforehand because I will have already seen most of these people before.  In true introvert fashion though, I was ready to go home within 4 hours of arriving, apparently just as the party was getting started!  The thing that I learned about my friend Mel that I really value: she takes no offense when I’m ready to leave, nor does she make me feel guilty for not staying longer.  She’s just happy that I’m there. In other words, she lets me be me.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Do you find that people label you inaccurately?  What’s your best tip for breaking the ice at a party?

Metamorphosis

  July 20, 2012 - 8:24 AM |
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Do I hear crickets chirping yet? 

It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve posted anything relatively interesting on this blog and sometimes that thought makes me wonder if it’s still worth reading.  My slow recovery has made me feel like the leader of Dullsville.  All Hail, Queen Boring!!   But here you are reading and keeping me company, and I thank you for that.  The fact is, I don’t have anything happening in my life right now, yet I have a LOT happening in my life right now.  It just feels as though I’m in a waiting period, somewhere between Come and Go. 

When Patty died, I wondered what would become of me.  My career as her caregiver fell into my lap, and 12 years later here I was, grieving and on the cusp of my first major surgery.  Not having a job to return to these past six weeks has provided me with both pangs of worry and feelings of extreme relief.  I still think of Patty every day and I miss her terribly; but I’ve also given plenty of thought about me.  About what my new purpose is going to be. 

I received a phone call yesterday evening from a friend of Patty’s.   Judy was her masseuse. She and I crossed paths on many occasions over at Patty’s house and eventually we became friends as well. A few years ago Judy moved away, yet whenever she came back into town she always came over for a visit or the three of us would have lunch together. When Patty died in May I tried contacting Judy but couldn’t reach her. Then out of the blue, she called last night and said that she had recently moved and tried calling Patty’s house, receiving a message that the line had been disconnected. I had the unfortunate task of breaking the news to Judy but she took it well and we shared some memories together.

But then, Judy said something that I didn’t expect. She asked if Patty knew about my plans to have surgery before she died. I told her that yes, she was aware, and it was strange the way everything unfolded. I’d postponed my surgery for years, partly because I knew that it would disrupt my job of taking care of Patty. Then, when my body forced me into making the decision to have surgery, she abruptly died a few weeks before. Judy said she felt that Patty died because she didn’t want to be without me; that maybe, somehow, she knew my recovery would be longer than expected and felt it was her time to go. I told Judy that Patty died from complications by acquiring the MRSA virus, but that didn’t seem to waver her opinion.  I don’t necessarily share Judy’s view, but I haven’t been able to get that conversation out of my mind.

 

I used to be a working artist in a previous life.  My first paid freelance job was given to me by a local child’s advocacy program.  I was hired to illustrate a coloring book which would be used as an aid in teaching children how to prepare to testify in court.  From there I was commissioned to paint murals, and then had my own furniture painting business for a while.  When I decided to work one-on-one for families who needed me, I kept my foot in the painting pool but it took a backseat as I devoted more and more time to my new career.   

In the weeks before my surgery I started thinking about what I was going to do with my free time.  I’d been working since I was 16 years old, and exercising almost daily for the last decade of my life.  I needed a plan to stimulate my mind while waiting for my body to heal.  Time is precious I would suddenly have plenty of it.  I didn’t want to squander it away.   Then, it hit me.  I could stop dangling the foot and throw my whole body into the painting pool.   Per my usual Ellen Style, I worried and fretted.  It’s been so long since I’ve worked on my art full-time.  I don’t know if I can pull this off.  I’m too rusty.  I no longer have the knowledge about what it takes to succeed.

And it was right around that time when Kyra began reading my blog and made her first comment. Imagine my surprise when I found out that Kyra is a very talented and highly regarded artist (you can check out her art at Kyra Wilson Studio).  Her kindness and the knowledge she’s shared by virtually holding my hand these past several weeks has been invaluable.  Kismet, maybe?   Even my husband who can be a bit of a skeptic agrees that the word coincidence doesn’t quite describe the events of the past couple of months. 

So, what have I been doing these past few weeks?   I’ve launched a shop on Zazzle that features my work for sale. I’ve created a Facebook Page featuring my artwork. I am building my own shop on Etsy and hope to have it open by the end of next week.  All of this information will be accessible from a new tab that’s located at the top of my blog. 

Also, this week my domain name came up for renewal once again.  That was one decision I didn’t have to sweat over.  I happily renewed and in September this blog will be celebrating its second anniversary. 

You all know how I feel about labels, but right now I’m pretty comfortable in labeling myself. 

I am a health conscious blogger.  I am an artist.  And I’m going to be okay.

Passing the Time

  June 26, 2012 - 9:37 AM |
42 Comments

Question:  What does a gal do to lift her spirits when she’s been cooped up since her June 5th surgery? 

Answer:  She pounces on the newly released DVD of Wanderlust by one of the few actors that make her laugh so hard, it brings tears to her eyes.  Yep – this guy:

What’s that?  You want another photo?  *sigh*  All right.  For you.

I’ll ‘fess up – that one was kinda for me; just a little bit.

 

Because I spent my weekend watching the minutes tick away, all teary-eyed and depressed (a common occurrence after surgery, so I’m told) my husband was kind enough to make a fast and furious stop at our local Family Video rental store specifically for this movie.  Neither one of us had any idea what the movie was about, actually.  In a nutshell, a husband and wife (played by Jennifer Aniston) stumble into commune living when they’re forced to leave their New York apartment due to hardship.   Alan Alda and Justin Theroux costar.  We settled in on Sunday night to watch it – me with my big bag-o-ice on my belly and Craig with a bowl of popcorn.  As it turns out, laughter in massive doses is a good cure-all for the blues.  Thank you, Paul Rudd.  It feels like forever since I’ve cried from laughter instead of sadness. 

One word of caution before you decide to put this movie on your must-see list.  The humor falls into line with movies like The 40 Year Old Virgin and can be considered a bit distasteful to some.  If that kind of humor is unappealing, you may want to pass.  Definitely NOT a movie for kids. 

 

…and in other news:  there is no other news.  I’m not sure exactly what keeps me coming back to my blog when I have absolutely nothing to write about.  Well, nothing that I feel comfortable writing about at the moment. I actually have several thoughts which involve this surgery and how it’s affected me but want to tackle that subject when all is said and done; not while I’m in it neck deep without a clear perspective. Till then I write to let you know that I’m still here, still plugging along, and still waiting to feel like my normal-but-slightly-improved self again.

How about indulging my senses?  What’s been the highlight of your summer so far?