Category Archives: Art

Gratitude Photo Friday

  May 10, 2013 - 10:25 AM | , ,
3 Comments

You may remember reading about my recent altercation with a certain male duck who was trying to mate with a female while she was tending to her young. After that evening Mama and ducklings just disappeared – like, for days and days. I found myself worrying a bit;  then yesterday here they came, swimming downstream. I grabbed my camera and snapped a quick photo; my Gratitude Photo of the Week.

…the past three weeks have been a blur since Craig first came home from work with a tremendous pain in his side.  Since then we have seen countless doctors and he’s had numerous tests, only to show – nothing.  We’re both convinced that he has a hernia.  Convincing the surgeon our assumption without actually seeing it via ultrasound or feeling it is quite the hurdle.

Those who ask if Craig is feeling better might be starting to think I’m a bit off my rocker when I tell them that we’re keeping our fingers crossed for another major abdominal attack.  The truth is, while he was home he didn’t eat anything solid and he rested.  Symptoms eased up considerably.  As a result, what doctor is going to do something drastic like exploratory surgery when the patient is feeling a bit better?  so, as of Tuesday, Craig was told to head back to work and resume normal activity, which he did; and the last three days have been miserable.  Symptoms are returning. 

So, we continue to wait.  At least until his follow-up with the surgeon next week. 

…with Craig home I barely had time to paint.  I wanted to complete the second painting in a series of Seasons I’m doing that features the same tree.  Since Craig went back to work I was finally able to call it finished.  I’m sneaking this photo is as another gratitude photo – as in, ‘I’m so grateful that it’s done!’  lol

Title:  “Summer” Mixed Media.  Size:  16×20

Mixed Media, size 16x20 

 

This one was time consuming. Each leaf is made from paper.  I bent and glued each one by hand.  The butterflies are also papers that’s been delicately folded and glued to the canvas.  I’m grateful to feel like I’ve accomplished something this week. Next up in the series will be Autumn, and I will wait to work on that until mid-September, probably. 

My eating has been a bit challenging with Craig home.  Again, stress has taken a passenger seat right next to me and has been trying to control my every move.  I’ve been at this long enough to understand what’s happening:  I’m seeking food to quiet the stress/anxiety that’s been building up inside me, and food is ready to take on that responsibility.  Why can’t I crave carrots or celery when I’m under stress?  No, I have visions of lemon bars and homemade cookies always in my head.  I’ve been trying to curb those yearnings with my favorite dessert teas from David’s Tea but even David can’t contain this kind of anxiety.  So, I go outside and do yard work, walk the dogs and figure out my next painting.  Does it distract me?  Yes. Enough to quiet the cravings/reduce the stress? No.  But I’m trying and that’s all I can do.  Until we find out what’s up with Craig I’m just going to have to muddle through like I always do and remind myself that there will always be a crisis to overcome; if I relied on food to comfort me every time that happened I’d be right back where I started at 230+ pounds. 

Something I’d like to end with, just because it made me so incredibly happy to read – my friend Laurie who is also a Fleet Feet trainer (remember the interview I did with her?) recently finished a half marathon in Louisville, Kentucky.  When she last wrote to me she told me that she ran a mile for me.  For ME. I kind of choked up when I read that.  No one has ever done that for me before.  Thank you for that, Laurie. 

Have a good weekend, everyone. 

~Ellen

Bird Signs and Progress!

  March 27, 2013 - 1:48 PM | , , ,
12 Comments

Craig and I just finished our taxes this past weekend. Not fun.  Especially when I have to write out a check to the government.  It was nothing I didn’t expect, though.  I knew I’d owe – I just didn’t know how much.  Working as an independent contractor for Patty had minor drawbacks like that. 

I went to Hot Yoga on Friday.  Scratch that  – I dragged myself go to Hot Yoga on Friday.  All these months suffering with back pain has made me focus solely on caring for my back.  In the process, strengthening my legs have not been a priority.  My instructor had us do so many squat-related poses that by the time class was over, my legs felt like spaghetti. Nothing that would hurt my back if I didn’t do them – just my ego.  I used to be able to do all of those poses this time last year.  Now, not so much.   I have no choice now but to go every Friday and strengthen this wobbly body of mine.  Come on, muscle memory; show me what you’ve got!  Whenever I’m feeling like I’ve regressed I need to remind myself that progress comes with every little step, regardless of how small. 

A good example of such progress: my skills as a painter are indeed improving. I see it.  I feel it.  I’m more confident and I look forward to creating and sharing my work with others.  Birds seem to be my obsession lately.  I bought my first bird – a canary named Lady, when I was a sophomore in college.  She lived almost 12 years and was completely blind before she died, but that girl could warble her heart out.  Since then I have had a love affair with them and recently decided to paint a series of some favorites. 

I’ve been having run-ins with a few of the birds I’ve been painting.  Odd but wonderful run-ins.  Remember my sandhill crane?

 

A few days after I painted him I was walking the dogs at the park and noticed a flock of cranes swirling over my head. If you’ve ever heard these birds communicate with one another then you know they are impossible to miss (they’re quite loud!)  On two separate occasions later the next week when I went out to get my mail from the mailbox, there again were cranes hovering overhead long enough for me to stop and watch them for as long as I wanted before forming their traditional V pattern and moving on. Each time I saw them I think my heart swelled to twice its normal size. 

My second run-in happened right after I finished painting my red-winged hawk this weekend.

watermarkhawk

I put away my watercolors and grabbed my coat so that Craig and I could go grocery shopping.  While heading down the road a red winged hawk flew right in front of our car and into the woods, carrying a mouse. We both screamed out, ‘Did you see THAT??’ 

Tell me – when does that ever happen!?!?  To me, never!

This week’s oriole will likely be my last bird of the week because I am hosting Easter this weekend at my home.  Those of you who were here with me over Christmas will remember that I vowed never to have another holiday at my Mom’s again because whenever a certain family member is in attendance, I tense up and know that he will become angry, say hurtful things, leaving me sad and melancholy for the remainder of the day.  It took 42 years to step up and say ‘no more’ to my mother but I did, and now I’m actually looking forward to hosting Easter this year.  I’m even looking forward to Christmas already – words I’ve not uttered in over 30 years. 

And that’s progress.  When you’ve got it, grab on and run like hell.   

My trip to Indy and my first blogger meet-up

  March 19, 2013 - 1:43 PM | , ,
11 Comments

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow last night to the sounds of rain.  This morning I awoke to 16 degree temperatures and snow swirling in the air.  A little disappointing since I captured a photo of this sight while walking the dogs at the park the other day:

 

Apparently, my visions of Spring will have to wait a bit longer. 

 

As you may recall, this weekend Craig and I were making a trip down to Lilly’s Soap Kitchen and Artisan Market so I could drop off some new paintings.  I was also in town for my first blogger meet-up with Roxie.

The weekend couldn’t have been nicer. 

Craig took a day off from work in order to drive me down to Indy which I was extremely grateful for.  While he manned the wheel I leaned back the passenger seat as far as it would go and rested on my side; in the back were 12 pieces of framed art and one of my older pieces of painted furniture, all on their way to be dropped off at the shop. 

We met with Sara, the owner of Lilly’s Soap Kitchen first.  Not only is she quickly becoming a friend as well as an associate, but she is also my eyes and ears at the shop.  Translation:  she’s my spy.   She showers me with important feedback as to which pieces of my work are receiving attention as well as which ones aren’t – all things that will be extremely helpful as the art fair in August draws closer.  Sara is in the process of freshening up the shop for Spring and will soon be posting photos to her Facebook business page which you can find here if you’re interested.

 

Upon leaving the shop, Craig and I headed downtown where Roxie was staying at a hotel. Before meeting, I admitted to Roxie that I was a bit nervous.  Not dread nervous, but excited! nervous, and since she would be the first blogger I’ve ever met I wanted to make a good first impression.  Normally this wouldn’t be a concern of mine since I’m a ‘what you read is what you get’ kind of person.  However, because of my ongoing back troubles and the length of immobility I’d be experiencing on the trip down, I knew that I was going to have to use my last resort pain medication (ie. the heavy duty stuff) so that I could sit and enjoy our visit without too much distraction.  As I walked into the hotel lobby I immediately noticed that along with my slightly fuzzy mind, my nose was becoming very itchy (a most unpleasant and relentless side effect of the pain meds) and I wondered how I was going to discreetly scratch it all evening without looking like a cocaine addict.  Those concerns melted away as soon I heard her voice and we hugged like long-lost friends. 

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Roxie and/or her blog, here are some things that I learned about her this weekend: aside from being a knockout and highly fashionable beauty, she’s one of the most down to earth, interesting people I’ve ever met.  She’s very worldly, intelligent, gracious and kind, and I think we could have easily kept each other up half the night, just chatting away – an obvious sign that we were meant to be friends.

Later in the evening, Craig met up with us and we three had dinner together.  He took this photo in the restaurant:

 

roxie

Many thank, Roxie.  I can’t wait until next time Smile

What a Week

  March 14, 2013 - 11:23 AM | , , , ,
7 Comments

It’s been quite the busy week around here.  The time change, fortunately, doesn’t affect me in the least when we Spring Forward.  I actually get up earlier and accomplish so much more during the day.  During the Fall Back though….ugh.  Let’s just say, I don’t handle it well. 

I cannot wait for Spring.  I’ve been walking on the treadmill and avoiding the park because I can’t tolerate the cold these days no matter how many layers I wear.  My dogs are feeling downright punished because we haven’t been walking outside.  Instead, they watch me on the treadmill.  I try not to make too much eye contact with them as I do this because I already feel like their glaring eyes are burning a hole through to the back of my head.

Whenever I’m finished I go upstairs and lay down on the floor to stretch my back and hamstrings, which always makes my back feel better; and this is generally what I have staring back at me:

He is not one to be ignored, but c’mon – How could I?!

 

Even though my back is still giving me the ole’ middle finger (ie., not improving much) I am busy concentrating on other things.  Good things, such as:

1.  Preparing for the gallery this weekend.

It’s time to make my bi-monthly journey down to Indianapolis to drop off artwork to the gallery.  Craig has graciously offered to take a day off work so he can drive me down there since I cannot drive that far without needing to get out of the car every few minutes to stretch.   I guess this makes him my Manager now, huh? 

All week I’ve been busy matting and framing work.  I dislike that job really, but enjoy the look of my pieces as they’re all polished up and ready to make their debut into the world.  Here are my yoga series of prints all matted and ready to go: 

 

2.  I’ve been asked to guest post at Runs For Cookies.  Katie, who is a lot like me in many ways (she’s maintaining a loss of over 100 pounds and has a sweet tooth equal to mine) asked if I would write about life as a maintainer for her blog.  I’ve been slowly making progress on that post and hope to have it done and ready for her soon (it’s coming, Katie – I swear!)

3.  I met someone. 

No, Craig and I are not having marital problems so you can breathe easy (or, if you’re new here and into reading about drama, try and contain your disappointment) lol    What I mean to say is that I have made a new friend who is such a kind person and so easy to talk to – and she’s a fellow artist!  We met because we both have work on display at the gallery.  We started messaging each other and as it turns out, she lives less than 10 minutes from me Smile  She’s a mosaic artist and does incredible work.  Here is one of her pieces that I received as an incredibly thoughtful birthday present last month:

 

 Photo1

Okay, truth:  I bought it for myself.  I am the thoughtful one!

I had to take the photo at an angle because of the glare from the ceiling lights, but you can still see how amazingly talented she is. Her name is Melissa you can see more of her work at her Etsy store right here.

Another reason why I’m mentioning Melissa is that because of her…..

4.  I signed up for my first art fair this week. 

This was a HUGE step for me.  I haven’t done an art fair in almost 15 years and I didn’t really enjoy the atmosphere the last time, but this is a different venue and will be for one day only.  Plus, I’m selling paintings this time around, not painted furniture which will make set-up and break-down much easier.  The art fair isn’t until August so I still have plenty of time to prepare. 

Perhaps the most exciting thing that is happening this week (this weekend to be exact) is….

5.  I am going to meet one of my favorite bloggers! 

I have missed several opportunities to meet some of the amazing people I’ve met online due to back issues and poor timing, but the planets must be aligned correctly because during my visit to Indianapolis, guess who will be arriving at the same time all the way from Texas for a conference?  None other than Roxie from Gravel and Rust!  Roxie is also maintaining a 100+ pound loss and we’ve been reading each other’s blog since the inception of mine almost 2 1/2 years ago.  I’m terribly excited!

That about wraps it up.  I’ll be back next week with answers to all of your burning questions, like:

‘Just how long did it take to make that three hour trip to Indy?  How many times did Ellen’s back force her out of the car, and did anyone see her doing yoga stretches alongside the road?’

‘…and what about the gallery?  Did Ellen sell anything this month?’

‘Will Ellen be able to stay away from the Cheesecake Factory while in Indianapolis?’

‘What will happen when Ellen meets Roxie?  Will Roxie find out that Fat Girl Wearing Thin has secretly been written by some weird guy named Allen all of these years?’ 

Tune in next week for these answers and more – and have a great weekend Smile

xo,

Ellen

Giveaway Galore

  February 1, 2013 - 10:55 AM | ,
2 Comments

The first two months of the year is always somewhat bittersweet for me.  Tax forms start coming in and my goodness, the bills!!  Car insurance is due; life insurance premium is due.  Car plates are due.  I remember the first time I knew I was a grownup: it was the year I had to use my birthday money to pay for gasoline and credit card bills instead of frivolous things like music and clothes.

I do still get a few perks around my birthday, though.  February 1st always brings good mail.  Today my inbox was flooded with gift certificates to Office Maxx ($10 off $50!) and a coupon for a free cupcake at my favorite café (YUM!!) as well as double bonus points from Ulta for anything I purchase during the month of February!

Okay, I’ll admit – the cupcake is really the only thing I’ve gotten without strings attached.  Still, it’s a nice way to wake up in the morning, especially since my birthday is still over two weeks away.

Since I’m no longer running, I’m back to walking on the treadmill and putting in 3 miles at a time.  Today I’m going to try and squeeze in another mile for an even 4 but seriously, that may be the caffeine from my tea talking right now. 

I find that if I do it first thing in the morning then the rest of my day is freed up to paint and write.  For the past few days I’ve had little else to do, anyway.  Our weather went from 60 degrees and rainy one day to nearly single digits within 24 hours.  Today, I’m looking at 8 inches of snow on the ground and it is exactly ONE degree outside.  The dogs are not happy.  They want their walk and don’t care what temperature it is outside.  Every time I move, they block the doorway and look at me like this:

dogs

These dogs are impossible to reason with, I tell you!  lol

 

Because of the weather, you’d think I would have loads of inspiration for winter themed paintings, right?  Nope.  I can’t get get summer out of my head and it’s been coming through in my work: 

 

041

This painting was inspired from many nights under a campfire a few years back when Craig and I used to camp during the summers.  At least I’m getting back into a rhythm of painting.  I can’t sit or stand for long periods due to my back, so I do short bursts of fast and furious painting – which, surprisingly works quite well for me.  Go figure! 

Speaking of painting…….

This morning I wrote the name of every participant for our January Hate-Loss Challenge, folded the papers and put them in a bowl like so:

drawing

…and had my husband draw a name from the bowl before he headed off to work.  The winner of the inspirational print is:

draw2

Congratulations, Brenda!   Check your inbox for an email from me – I need your address so I can send your print to you Smile

 

This giveaway just happens to coincide with another giveaway I’m doing on Facebook right now.  I just reached my 100th Facebook Fan and am holding a drawing for THREE prints and a greeting card featuring my art.  Just click on the photo below and you’ll be taken to my Fan page where you can enter if you’d like.   Note** You must have a Facebook account to participate. 

The contest will close tomorrow (Saturday) at noon, EST. A winner will be announced tomorrow night.

giveaway

Have a great weekend, everyone! 

~Ellen

Book Giveaway Winner!

  January 14, 2013 - 2:11 PM | , ,
8 Comments

Hey there, everyone!  I know you don’t mind the chit-chat, but you’re probably wanting me to keep it to a minimum until I announce the winner of Karen’s book, so………

By use of a random number generator that I found in the ITunes App Store (here is where you’ll find the one I used in case you’d like one of your own) the winner of Karen Anderson’s book: After (the before and after) is Brandi!  Congratulations, Brandi.  Email me with your address and we’ll have your book out to you ASAP!

 

We are almost half-way through this month’s 31 Days of Gratitude.  I hope you’re all finding this year’s Challenge exercises helpful.  It’s certainly helpful to me knowing that I have such a supportive group of gals this year.  We’re already almost half-way through! 

Today my plan was to catch up on blog reading and reorganize my Etsy shop.  So far none of this has happened.   Yesterday, my husband and I returned home from our trip to Lilly’s Soap Kitchen and Artisan Market in Indianapolis where my note cards and over 40 original paintings are now awaiting new homes.  The last two weeks have literally been a blur as I’ve painted and polished up my pieces for the trip.

This was the last painting I finished:

I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to frame it, but then noticed THE perfect frame while out shopping and had to have it!

My apologies for the lousy photo, but the frame really does look like it was made for this painting.  I’m thinking that I may switch from trees to birds for a while.  They are so relaxing to paint, and this little guy was inspired by at least 10 cardinals that were hanging out in my backyard last week. 

Have a great Monday, everyone.  I am off to take a long, overdue nap!  Looking forward to seeing participants of the HL Challenge back here on Thursday to discuss our latest exercise Smile

xo,

~Ellen

Working things out with paint

  November 20, 2012 - 8:40 AM | ,
31 Comments

Last week I went into my studio with certain things on my mind.  Usually when I pull out my paintbrushes I’m able to push those things aside and just be in the moment.  I thought I was accomplishing this quite well when I completed my last painting.  Until, that is, I realized I had just painted a self portrait – in the form of a tree:

 

Windswept

 

At first it hadn’t occurred to me that that’s what I’d done.  In fact, I had no particular vision of what the end result would even look like.  I just knew as I progressed that this subject had faced turmoil. The end result shows a mature and weathered tree as opposed to one with lovely leaves and/or flowers to look at.  There is no new life springing forth from its branches, either – not that its beyond repair, but rather awaiting a sign from Mother Nature.

This tree is waiting for its new life to begin.   And so am I.

 

I’ve discussed my surgery enough on this blog.  You get the idea of how much I’ve struggled in my recovery; how difficult its been to see the forest through the trees (no pun intended).  What I’ve been too embarrassed to share until now is that even though I’m noticing small amounts of progress, I’m feeling less and less attractive.  Grateful for the colder months, I am taking comfort in knowing that I can hide my body; the swelling and bloating at my incision site is something I simply cannot stand to look at anymore.  I’ve started wearing scarves or turtlenecks all of the time as well.  Hiding my neck, of course, because of the cystic acne that’s become a problem since surgery.  If I keep this up, I’m going to be wrapped up like a mummy by Christmas.

 

Windswept

Sometimes a girl just needs to to think positively about herself even though she doesn’t necessarily believe what she’s selling.  The quote I chose as a finishing touch to my painting depicts what I am trying to embrace about myself.   I can certainly use a bit of positive reinforcement right now.  And who knows; maybe when Springtime comes around and I’m forced to peel off all these layers I’ll paint this tree a second time, with tiny leaves and flower buds – just to make it pretty again.

Working from home

  October 2, 2012 - 9:01 AM | , ,
20 Comments

Working from home has been a bit of an adjustment for me. I’ve had a job since I was 16 years old and have held some pretty interesting positions. Retail was my first experience in the workforce and I have great respect for those who can do it well. I cannot. No matter how much I was asked and expected to pounce on the next potential owner of a cheap pair of earrings, I simply couldn’t throw myself at a customer when I knew they just wanted space to shop on their own. Since then I’ve had some pretty eclectic jobs: camp counselor, graphic design intern, tutoring scheduler, brochure designer for a senior travel group, day care assistant. The list goes on.

One job led to another and eventually I ended up in the mental health field and then, finally, for the next 12 years would be a visual assistant for the blind. I coined that job title and thought it had a snappier sound than simply saying I was Patty’s caregiver. I also thought it was better than the description Patty used when introducing me to strangers: my friend who helps me. Don’t get me wrong, it was endearing, but not a very solid job description according to the IRS.

Since I’ve begun my new venture as ‘professional artist’ I’m finding that I have many crucial decisions to make. Serious decisions that bombard me on a daily basis:

1. Do I get dressed or don’t I?

This is a difficult question because really, if I’m just going to be painting all day then do I really need to get dressed? I mean, the UPS guy has seen me at my absolute worst and I’m pretty sure by now he thinks I’m an agoraphobic drunk.

2. Style my hair, or just cover that mess up with a ball cap?

I suppose however I choose to answer question number one will dictate how I answer question two. I mean, if I keep my PJ’s on all day then why do my hair? On the other hand, if I get dressed then it would look kind of silly if I walked around with my hair sticking up like I’d just poked my finger in a light socket. Unless of course I had just been playing around with a light socket, which should immediately leave you thinking, ‘should she really be allowed to stay home by herself while her husband is at work?

3. Sit down and eat a relaxing breakfast at the dining room table, or kill two birds with one stone and just eat while I paint?

I can already hear Geneen Roth whispering in my ear on this one. Of course I should be focusing on my food and how it tastes so that I am more aware of when I’m full and thus not overeat. Still, I find myself being drawn to my easel when I get up in the mornings and many times end up thinking that I’m some highly evolved multi-tasker who can do three or four things flawlessly at once – until I have to throw out my fourth cup of tea because I’ve mistakenly used it (again) to clean my paintbrush instead of using my water container. (That happens more often than I care to admit right now, btw).

 

4. Teeth are starting to feel a little gritty. Brush them today or just let nature take its course?

Just kidding. I take oral hygiene vey seriously.

It has certainly been quite an adjustment. I now dictate my own schedule. Well, I mostly dictate my own schedule. Actually, the dogs dictate some of what I do. Because of them I rarely sleep in past 7 AM; they simply will not allow it. Emmie sneaks onto her hind legs and if I’m facing the edge of the bed she aims her nose right at my mouth and with one swift movement, I’m being assaulted in my sleep. Brulee is a bit more subtle. He just jumps onto the bed and walks up to where my head is. When I open my eyes, he scares the living heck out of me while his face is inches from mine, panting his dog breath at me. I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to go back to sleep after that display. I can almost hear them saying, ‘We are hungry, two legged thing who feeds us. Please get out of your giant rectangular dog bed and tend to our stomachs for we are ready to eat and then be petted the remainder of the day.’

I’m starting to think that maybe it would do me some good to have a little less flexibility and more scheduled things to do. It’s going to be a long winter and even though I could stay cooped up in my house and just paint until Spring, I’m not all together sure it’s a good idea. When I was in college I used to use a small chalkboard and block out time to do specific things. That may be something worth exploring right now.

And just in case you’re wondering – yes, I did get dressed today. Not for me, but for you – my readers. I figured that somehow you’d see right though my lies if I weren’t actually dressed and freshly deodorized before posting this morning. You are welcome. ;)

See you later in the week!

xoxo,

Ellen

Once, Twice, Three times upside the head

  September 28, 2012 - 7:52 AM | , , ,
8 Comments

I know you’ve done it before, too.  You’re reading blogs and you come across one that seems as though it was written specifically for you.  That happened to me when I sat down to read my friend Kyra’s blog last night over at The Never ending Adventures.  This was a milestone post because she unveiled a painting that she’d been working on since April.  Yes, April.  A painstakingly intricate, detailed labor of love that is now, finally complete. 

Kyra and I have communicated about this painting and other goings on in our lives, with one of us always wishing that certain things would just ‘happen already!’  But we both know from experience that anything worth doing is worth doing right.  What struck a chord with me was this particular sentence:    

How many things in our lives are we not giving permission to ourselves to spend the proper time on?

I think if I had a secret decoder I could wave it over that sentence and find an underlying message that reads:  Ellen, you big Goofball, why are you constantly fighting yourself?  You’ve already been down this road once – have you learned nothing?  (although Kyra would find a much gentler way of telling me, I’m sure of it). 

I have been through this before.  I took the slow and steady route of losing weight. The many years it took to lose over 100 pounds was the correct way for me and my life and I haven’t regretted it once.  In fact, taking my time and doing it slowly and naturally has, in part, been what’s helped me keep it off for over 7 years. 

But, since my surgery?  Yeah, you’d never know that patiently devoted person ever existed.  I have been having internal battles with myself for the past 4 months.  I’ve been at war with my body to heal faster; anxious for my new business to pick up speed; desperate to find direction and get moving already!! 

I’ve been so caught up in the ‘want it NOW’ mentality that I haven’t been appreciating the slow and steady route I’ve been granted which, by the way, has always proven to be the better choice for me.  (Sometimes a good thwack across the head is the only thing that will reset the brain).  Any takers?  lol

This week I’ve learned that no matter how quickly we want results, it just isn’t likely going to happen on our schedule.  Whether it be the desire for business success, weight loss or in my case in particular right now: physical strength.  We do what we can and have to let time run its course because really, we have no other choice. 

I received doctor results from my visit last week regarding my extreme fatigue.  Surgical menopause patients (those who go through the process surgically rather than naturally) are hit with the usual symptoms all at once instead of easing into it the old fashioned way.  As a result, we can go through radical side effects.  My fatigue is a direct result of my hormones being shifted so quickly and dramatically.  The doctor has given me new medication and I am praying to the Estrogen Goddesses that I will see improvement within a few weeks.  In the meantime, it’s slow and steady – and that’s all there is to it.  I must be willing to look at the progresses I HAVE made instead of the ones that will come in due time.  And really, if I want to be completely honest with myself – if my art business was a raging success like I dream about in my mind, I’d be too fatigued to keep up with it all right now, wouldn’t I? 

Speaking of art, here is this week’s painting.  I have been posting progress photos on my Facebook Fan page because I’ve found that not only do people like to see the creative process behind the finished piece, but it’s good for me to see that it takes patience and hard work to evolve into a beautiful and worthwhile sense of completion.  I think we can all relate to that on some level. 

 

 

…and speaking of art:  My friend Laura, who is another weight loss maintainer and an amazing athlete is holding a giveaway on her blog beginning today, AND she is giving away one of my enhanced art prints!   Head on over there to check it out the details!  You can find her fabulous blog over at Laura Lives Life.

 

Have a great weekend, everyone.  I hope it’s slow and steady :)

Back in the Saddle Again.

  July 22, 2011 - 7:40 AM |
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It can be very empowering to let go of something that no longer describes who you are.  The words to quit gets a bad wrap sometimes.  It sounds so final – and maybe under the right circumstances it is.  But it doesn’t always have to be forever. 

I wrote the above words in a post that I published late last year.  I was writing about walking away from things that just weren’t working anymore.  The thing that wasn’t working for me at that time was my relationship with painting.  I’d committed myself to a project that was to be part of a series, with the theme being Autumn Woods.  I’ve expressed myself through art in various forms of oil, pencil, pastel, clay or watercolor for over half of my life, but in December of 2010 I was feeling disconnected and decided that it was time to walk away from it for a while.  The full post can be found here.  Below, is an excerpt:

 

I passed those paintings every time I washed a load of laundry. I’d walk by and see them sitting there out of the corner of my eye and each time I did, I’d get this nagging feeling in my gut reminding me that I ‘needed’ to finish them.  Notice I didn’t use the word want.  There is a huge difference between the two.  In reality, I need to work; I need to pay my bills; to get up in the mornings.  I should want to do the things that normally bring joy and a sense of meaning to my life.  Instead, what was once my passion was now bringing me anxiety and a sense of dread. I knew that I had to do something but truthfully, it scared the hell out of me.  Have you ever done something for so long that it becomes an extension of who you are?  And then lost your passion for it?

What if it were OK to set something aside for a bit?  What if it were perfectly acceptable to put a pin in it; to let it simmer about for a while?  Dare I  say that depending on the circumstances, it could actually be better to completely let go of something with the intention of never looking back?  

Fill in the blank:  What would happen if I  quit _________?  (painting? running? blogging? hanging out with people that are not good for me anymore?)  Would it make me sad?  Would I miss it? Would I feel lost without it?

I decided to do a little experiment. First, I assured myself that it would only be for one month – then I would re-evaluate the situation.  I also began telling myself that I was not throwing them away; I was just moving them for a while.  Once I became comfortable with that idea, I packed up the paintings. I cleaned my work station and placed all of my brushes and paint into a box – and I put  everything away.  Let me tell you what happened the next time I went downstairs to do laundry: I felt as though a 4 ton weight had been lifted from my my mind.

That was seven months ago. I spent seven months without feeling the need or desire to finish that series of paintings.  The longer I went about my life, the less I thought of it.  Part of me wondered if I’d ever unpack my easel.  Then, one day a couple of weeks ago – I did. 

I don’t know what happened, exactly.  I was in the basement separating lights from darks and suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to put together the easel and just set out my unfinished painting, which I did.  Two days later, my brushes and acrylics were put to work.  I didn’t work diligently; every time a load needed to go into the washer or dryer I’d spend 5 minutes adding a few brushstrokes here and there, then I’d head back upstairs and continue about my day.  I carried on like this for almost a week.  And then, I finished it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m now working on a new series of paintings and I am feeling this surge of creativity beginning to flow again. I feel like ‘me’ again. Not that the me who didn’t paint for seven months was suffering any; I took pottery classes, wrote more, and realized that it was OK to put that part of me away for a while.

 

 

It wasn’t easy letting go of something that I felt, at least in part, defined me. I was afraid that I’d no longer recognize myself for who I was anymore. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if I’d never picked up a paintbrush again but I have to say, I’m relieved that I found my way back to it. Truthfully, I think it needed a vacation from me. I wasn’t doing my craft any favors with my indifference and lack of desire.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you ever lost your passion for something or felt the need to take a break from it?  Did you ever find your way back to it, or did your time away lead you to something completely different?