Author Archives: Ellen

Gratitude Photos of the Week

  May 24, 2013 - 9:31 AM |
1 Comment

I thought I’d check in one last time this week, as I likely won’t be posting again until after Craig’s surgery is over (look for me around Wednesday of next week).

Things are status quo over here.  Craig is still making do with protein shakes and low-sodium, clear based soups.  He’s starting to have more bad days than good, though.  Whatever is happening inside his abdomen is now keeping him home 24/7.  Amazingly, his attitude is still good.  I don’t know how he maintains such a positive spirit after 5 weeks but that’s my husband. 

I am keeping on track with my eating – as in for now, not eating massive amounts of the things I used to reach for in times of stress and strain.  I don’t know how I can crave sugary comfort foods with this giant knot in my stomach that seems to be growing heavier with each passing day; I think it’s old reflexes coming back to haunt me.  The important thing is, I’m not giving into it. 

I haven’t posted Gratitude photos in a couple of weeks, so today you get two:

 

The first of my poppies are blooming.  I have tried, unsuccessfully mind you, to grow these beauties for years because the rabbits always plucked the buds just before they opened.  Someone at my local plant store gave me the suggestion of spreading blood meal in my flowerbed to keep out rabbits because they don’t like the smell.  It is apparently working because here they are – and I am very grateful.  These are my absolute favorite flowers and whenever I see them I just want to grab my paintbrush and lay them to canvas. 

Speaking of painting, I am extremely grateful for that right now.  It has helped keep my mind occupied and focused, these last couple of weeks especially.  While Craig is napping during the day or if I can’t sleep at night I slip into my studio and just…paint.  These ‘doodle-birds’ have been occupying my time  because I can easily stop at any time and just pick up where I left off without any problem.  Here’s my latest, which I have pretty much dedicated to fellow blogger Didi since she suggested an American Kestrel ages ago:

Several people have asked if I would be making prints of these.  Even though I hadn’t intended on it, I decided to do a limited run and see if the interest is there.  I’d like to get a few more finished first, and hopefully will have some time to work on them while Craig is recovering. 

Have a good weekend.  I hope to be back here sometime next week with good news. 

~Ellen

Preparing for the unknown

  May 20, 2013 - 8:59 PM |
10 Comments

My heart is elsewhere this week.  Not that I don’t want to write, but I just don’t have the mental capacity to put together anything substantial.  I’m just so incredibly tired.  I can’t believe this time last year I was preparing for my own surgery and here I am less than a year later find myself preparing for another.  Not mine this time, however.  Craig’s.   He awoke one Sunday morning with a strange pain in his side.  Five weeks and a multitude of tests later, here we are – preparing for exploratory surgery.  Craig has sat around long enough reading, researching and scouring the Internet to feel pretty confident in knowing exactly what it is that he has:  a spigelian hernia.  Never heard of those?  That’s probably because it only affects 1-2% of all hernias found.  Still, he’s convinced  this is what he has.  The surgeon doesn’t think so, but has tried to remain optimistic saying that he’ll do his best to look everywhere he possibly can to find the problem and fix it.  I can’t put into words how much I am hoping that Craig is part of that 1-2%. 

As for me, I’ve been doing whatever I can to make him comfortable for yet another week until his surgery.  I won’t admit this to him but I will here – I am concerned; petrified.  This is a guy whose been for the most part, pretty healthy and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that he will be cut open with no plan beforehand.  Who knows what they’ll find – if anything?  These thoughts I keep to myself. I push them out of my head, but the only way to do this is to keep myself busy.

Craig can’t ride in a car without getting physically ill; nor can he eat solid foods without becoming ill, so I have been making him protein shakes and soup, while I forget to eat altogether.

I take that back.  I don’t forget to eat; I just force myself not to think about it.  My urge to binge eat has increased over the past couple of weeks but I know this is a result of my anxiety and the fact that I can’t control my immediate surroundings.   Fear of the unknown.  I’ve spent much time thinking about ways to distract myself.  Of course I feel incredibly guilty about this.  Here Craig can’t eat and all I want to do is overeat.  So far though I’ve managed to redirect myself with laundry, tending to the dogs, the yard, planning Craig’s meals, planning ahead for his recovery, and working on my art as the rest of my time allows.  So far though, I am doing well.  I’ve actually managed to lose a couple of pounds, but this is attributed to my increase in activity over the past couple of weeks. I am moving from the moment I get up to the time I go to bed at night.

I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon with our veterinarian to discuss the possibility of supplying her new building with some of my artwork.  She’s giving me a tremendous opportunity and I hope it works out.

Speaking of art, I’ve been doing something completely different lately.  Needing something that is relaxing and easy to do anywhere and these work really well.   I call them my Doodle-birds.  I’ve done a robin (below), bluebird, peacock and hummingbirds.  I’m not having prints made of these nor am I selling them on Etsy right now.  Just paint/draw and frame. 

What doesn’t sell before this weekend will be taken down to the gallery in Indianapolis.  I have to admit, they do make me happy~

I will be in touch either before or right after his surgery and will write as time allows.  Until then, I’ll most likely be taking photos for Instagram (EllenBrennemanStudio) and spending time on my Facebook art page (Facebook.com/EllenBrennemanStudio) which follows my painting progress.  I love seeing readers and friends visit me over on my Facebook business page.  Such an inspirational lot, you all are Smile

~E

The Strain Train

  May 16, 2013 - 4:45 PM |
10 Comments

Yesterday was a difficult day.  By the time evening rolled around I looked into the refrigerator and noticed that all but one shelf was completely bare. ‘Hmm…guess it’s time to go the grocery store,’ I thought.  What on earth was I going to fix for dinner?  I had a sick husband on the couch with an appetite – a recent rarity in this house, and nothing to put together.   I envy people who can whip up something spectacular out of a bottle of ketchup and a can of sardines. That is not my life. 

But then I remembered I bought that chickpea flour at Whole Foods the other day and became inspired.   I had every ingredient on the list to make falafel, some Joseph’s pita bread in the frig, and some spinach/lettuce mix. The only thing I was missing was tahini sauce, and I could have kicked myself for not grabbing a container of hummus when I was at the store.  I’ve read that you can dilute hummus with a bit of water and that serves as perfectly fine sauce to drizzle on or dip falafel into.  Oh, well.  If that was all I was missing then I was still in pretty good shape overall. 

Easy.  I can do this. 

And I did.  And it was a success, even without the sauce Smile

Here’s the recipe from the bag of Garbanzo Bean Flour from Bob’s Red Mill:

Falafel Patties

  • 1 cup Bob’s Red Mill Garbanzo Bean Flour
  • 1/2 tsp Sea Salt
  • 1.4 tsp Baking Soda
  • 1 tsp Parsley Flakes
  • 1/2 tsp ground Cumin
  • 1/4 tsp ground Coriander
  • 1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
  • 1/4 tsp Onion Powder
  • 2 tsp fresh Lemon Juice
  • 1/2 cup Hot Water
  • 2 Tbsp Olive Oil (for frying)

Just combine all of the dry ingredients together in a bowl and blend well.  Add the lemon juice and hot water to the mix and stir until well blended.  Then let the mixture rest for 10 minutes. 

Heat the olive oil in a pan on medium high, then add the falafel batter by the tablespoon and flatten slightly. Fry on both sides until the surface is brown; place on a paper towel to drain any remaining oil. 

Makes 12 falafel patties

 

To save on calories I used Pam instead of olive oil.  Olive Oil is perfectly good to use and I’m sure would make the falafel a bit crispier but I’ve been using Pam forever so I just immediately grab it without thinking about it.  If you are watching your weight and need to keep your calorie intake in check, using Pam is a good substitute for olive oil, in my opinion. 

 

Things are changing again in our household.  Just when I think I’ve reached the crest of a mountain and start my way back down, there it is – another mountain to climb.  Just shy of a year since my operation, Craig has been scheduled for exploratory surgery on the 28th of this month.  With his pain worsening, his rapid weight loss from near constant nausea and no real conclusion as to what’s going on, we are preparing to face this challenge together.  The next couple of weeks will be hectic as we prepare for his surgery and I generate a plan on how to effectively take care of him and run our household.  Our summer will be looking a bit different as well.  The things we put off last summer will likely be put off yet again, but hopefully if all goes well and the doctors find what Craig believes is the problem – a nagging hernia – then maybe we’ll get to squeeze in a couple of fun things before the season passes. 

I still firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and this is certainly no exception; but when this is over, we’d really like to be healthy and strong at the same time.  That’s our only goal. 

Maybe just one more mountain before we are allowed to rest our legs for a bit. 

…well then, let’s giddy-up and get to climbing.

Buffets and my introduction to 7 Spice

  May 13, 2013 - 10:55 PM |
6 Comments

With Comfort Food on the brain, I’ve been dreaming of deep-fried falafel stuffed into pita and drenched with tahini sauce.  While we’re here we might as well throw in some baba ganoush and hummus on the side, right?  I mean, if you’re going to dream, you’d might as well dream big!

Just for fun, I started scouring the Net trying to find healthy ways to prepare falafel.  It started with an email from Bed Bath and Beyond who tried to lure me to their store with a gift card if I bought their healthy frier called Actifry.  Apparently it has been hand-stamped as one of Oprah’s favorite things.  So, with absolutely nothing better to do (um, yeah – right) I started reading reviews. Supposedly, this thing can crisp up to two pounds of food without using more than a spoonful of oil.  Most of the reviews mention that it decently cooks chicken nuggets and fries to a light, crispy coating.  But can it do the same thing with falafel and other soft foods?  No.  It cannot.  Honestly, from what I can gather this appliance has a paddle inside that constantly rotates so the food is tossed around continuously, thus getting all sides evenly heated and crisp.  The trick though, is using firm or semi-firm foods.  Something like falafel would end up looking like whipped potatoes by the time it came out  of the machine.  Sorry, T-Fal.  Not interested.  When I’ve got my mind set on falafel, nothing else will do.  Does anyone own this Actifry machine and if so, do you like it? 

Back on topic….when Craig was having a good day a couple of weeks ago we decided to drive to the best Lebanese restaurant we have in our area.  It’s a little bit of a drive but SO worth it.  When we arrived they were just setting up for a buffet.  Now, I never do buffets – ever.  Not only does the food look like it has been sitting for God only knows how long but I always, always overeat so it’s better if I just stay away.  Besides, buffets are getting crazy.  A Golden Corral recently opened here and would you believe that they have their own cotton candy machine? 

…sorry; I don’t know why I can’t stay on topic this evening.  Anyway, I could see beyond the very modest buffet and watched the older woman in the back for a moment.  This woman knew her way around a kitchen!  She was busy chopping fresh vegetables and adding spices that smelled like pure heaven. 

One of the waitresses came over and I asked about several dishes that I didn’t recognize.  She replied, ‘The owner’s mother is visiting from Lebanon and is doing all of the cooking in the back.  This is about as authentic as it gets!’  Um, well – okay; the least I could do is eat this woman’s food; I mean, she did come all the way from Lebanon, right?  It would be rude otherwise……right? 

The food was outstanding.  But it was the spices that had me singing.  Let me tell you, the flavors were so good together I had to ask what was being used and where could I get it.  I was told it was a mixture of spices called 7 Spice.  I’d never heard of it.  Grabbing a pen and paper, I listened while she told me how I could make my own which I could then use on meat, fish, chicken and – falafel! 

Ingredients for Lebanese 7 Spice: 

Use equal parts: black pepper, cinnamon, cloves, ginger, allspice, fenugreek and nutmeg.  Mix together well and store in an airtight container. 

 

Saturday I went to my newly opened Whole Foods and walked straight to the bulk spice aisle:

 

Everything I was looking for was right there and in just the amounts I needed.  I also picked up some chickpea flour which has a great baked falafel recipe on the side of the bag.  I’m making falafel this week, and I hope it turns out.  If it does, I’ll post the recipe here.  If it doesn’t, you’ll likely not read about my cooking on this blog for a while Winking smile

 

Wednesday I take my husband back to see a surgeon.  The next post I type will contain an answer to his problem as I’ve decided that we’re not leaving the doctor’s office until we get one.  It’s been over a month now and it’s time to make some decisions. 

Gratitude Photo Friday

  May 10, 2013 - 10:25 AM | , ,
3 Comments

You may remember reading about my recent altercation with a certain male duck who was trying to mate with a female while she was tending to her young. After that evening Mama and ducklings just disappeared – like, for days and days. I found myself worrying a bit;  then yesterday here they came, swimming downstream. I grabbed my camera and snapped a quick photo; my Gratitude Photo of the Week.

…the past three weeks have been a blur since Craig first came home from work with a tremendous pain in his side.  Since then we have seen countless doctors and he’s had numerous tests, only to show – nothing.  We’re both convinced that he has a hernia.  Convincing the surgeon our assumption without actually seeing it via ultrasound or feeling it is quite the hurdle.

Those who ask if Craig is feeling better might be starting to think I’m a bit off my rocker when I tell them that we’re keeping our fingers crossed for another major abdominal attack.  The truth is, while he was home he didn’t eat anything solid and he rested.  Symptoms eased up considerably.  As a result, what doctor is going to do something drastic like exploratory surgery when the patient is feeling a bit better?  so, as of Tuesday, Craig was told to head back to work and resume normal activity, which he did; and the last three days have been miserable.  Symptoms are returning. 

So, we continue to wait.  At least until his follow-up with the surgeon next week. 

…with Craig home I barely had time to paint.  I wanted to complete the second painting in a series of Seasons I’m doing that features the same tree.  Since Craig went back to work I was finally able to call it finished.  I’m sneaking this photo is as another gratitude photo – as in, ‘I’m so grateful that it’s done!’  lol

Title:  “Summer” Mixed Media.  Size:  16×20

Mixed Media, size 16x20 

 

This one was time consuming. Each leaf is made from paper.  I bent and glued each one by hand.  The butterflies are also papers that’s been delicately folded and glued to the canvas.  I’m grateful to feel like I’ve accomplished something this week. Next up in the series will be Autumn, and I will wait to work on that until mid-September, probably. 

My eating has been a bit challenging with Craig home.  Again, stress has taken a passenger seat right next to me and has been trying to control my every move.  I’ve been at this long enough to understand what’s happening:  I’m seeking food to quiet the stress/anxiety that’s been building up inside me, and food is ready to take on that responsibility.  Why can’t I crave carrots or celery when I’m under stress?  No, I have visions of lemon bars and homemade cookies always in my head.  I’ve been trying to curb those yearnings with my favorite dessert teas from David’s Tea but even David can’t contain this kind of anxiety.  So, I go outside and do yard work, walk the dogs and figure out my next painting.  Does it distract me?  Yes. Enough to quiet the cravings/reduce the stress? No.  But I’m trying and that’s all I can do.  Until we find out what’s up with Craig I’m just going to have to muddle through like I always do and remind myself that there will always be a crisis to overcome; if I relied on food to comfort me every time that happened I’d be right back where I started at 230+ pounds. 

Something I’d like to end with, just because it made me so incredibly happy to read – my friend Laurie who is also a Fleet Feet trainer (remember the interview I did with her?) recently finished a half marathon in Louisville, Kentucky.  When she last wrote to me she told me that she ran a mile for me.  For ME. I kind of choked up when I read that.  No one has ever done that for me before.  Thank you for that, Laurie. 

Have a good weekend, everyone. 

~Ellen

Lipstick Graveyard

  May 7, 2013 - 12:11 AM |
12 Comments

When I was a girl I never realized how many things I needed to know about becoming a woman.   Things were going along fine and dandy when I was just a little girl playing with her Easy Bake Oven.  Then one day – BAM!  I had to trade in my homemade treats for training bras and ‘advice that every young woman should know’ courtesy of my mother. 

1.  How to properly put on pantyhose.

2.  How to use those weird looking, foot-long, crazy-thick pads in the pink box under the bathroom sink.

3.  The true meaning of ‘support’ and why it was related to the slingshot-looking contraption my mother called a training bra.

4. The proper way to apply cosmetics so one doesn’t look like a ‘Lady of the Night’ – beige lipstick. Beige?!  Blech!

 

I’ve gotta say, I love lipstick; I always have.  Maybe it’s the artist in me, but I simply must paint my lips.  I have phases when it comes to colors.  I used to wear nothing but browns.  Then I decided to wear orange-reds for a while until my surgery last year, where I found myself reaching for subtle pink shades to make me look a bit rosy even though my sallow skin told a different story. 

I’m afraid my love affair for lipstick took an ugly turn this weekend after reading an extremely disturbing article from MotherJones.com about the various toxins found in very popular lipsticks, many of which I had, including (brace yourself):  Burt’s Bees.  Seriously.  Good Lord, if I have to be careful of Burt’s Bees, what has the world come to?!  

in part, the article reads:

……women who apply lipstick two to three times daily can ingest a significant amount—20 percent of the daily amount that’s considered safe in drinking water or more—of aluminum, cadmium, chromium, and manganese. Depending on the lipstick, in some cases women who slathered it on (14 times a day or more) were meeting or surpassing the daily recommended exposure to chromium, aluminum, and manganese. Lead, a metal that humans should avoid exposure to entirely, was detected in 75 percent of the samples.

 

I had 4 of the lipsticks that tested high in levels of lead. FOUR!  If you wear any lipstick at all, I highly recommend reading this article and check to see if any of your shades are on the list. You can find the article and the list right here.

I’m grateful to have this information, but I’m also angry that these very popular and well-publicized brands are allowed to produce and market these toxic products in this day and age.  As for me, I should be educating myself more.  I have spent so much time and effort over the years about what I put INTO my body that I have forgotten about what goes ON it.

Incidentally, the lipsticks with the least amount of lead were Wet n’ Wild, Bobbi Brown, and Shiseido brands. 

So, what lip-friendly brands do you put on your lips?  Clearly I have some shopping to do.

The impatient patient

  May 3, 2013 - 9:37 AM |
2 Comments

Over the past couple of weeks now, Craig and I have been either at a doctor’s office, at the Emergency Room or at the office of a specialist.  We’ve done more waiting than the doctor’s have done searching.  During my practice of Patient Patience, I’ve entertained myself with a comedy bit by Jerry Seinfeld from long ago.  It goes like this:

“…..and you sit there, you know, and you’ve got your little magazine. You pretend you’re reading it, but you’re really looking at the other people. You know, you’re thinking about them; things like “I wonder what he’s got. As soon as she goes, I’m getting her magazine.” And then, they finally call you and it’s a very exciting moment. They finally call you, and you stand up and you kinda look around at the other people in the room. “Well, I guess I’ve been chosen. I’ll see you all later.”

You know, so you think you’re going to see the doctor, but you’re not, are you? No. You’re going into the next waiting room. The littler waiting room.”

[Source: seinfeldscripts.com]

I wish I could say that all of this waiting has given us some answers about what/is was causing Craig’s pain but sadly, it’s left us exhausted and frustrated.  Everything pointed to a hernia early on (he’s had one repair so he knew what to look for); but then symptoms started presenting as a possible gallbladder issue.  Either way, Craig was afraid to eat anything lest he bring on another attack so he went on a liquid-only diet for 7 days. He did feel better but he was starving for solid food. Whenever I ate it was in my art studio where I enjoyed my chewing as quietly as possible. 

After another series of tests, nothing was found.  Craig decided that if it was his gallbladder he was ready to stop babying it.  Before I knew it, he’d made a plan to get up at 6AM Thursday morning and eat bbq chicken wings for breakfast so that he’d provoke an attack around the time we saw the doctor.  Except it never happened.

Inconclusive is the current diagnosis. We see a hernia surgeon next week.  In the meantime he’s off work until either an answer is found or he’s deemed fit to return to work. 

As for me, I haven’t painted anything substantial in what feels like forever.  I did deliver a finished painting to its new owner this past Wednesday, which was one of the highlights of my whole week.   This may sound crazy, but if my paintings were alive I swear a few of them would be extremely vocal as to who they’d like to be sold to.  This was one of those occasions and I left that house knowing that my painting had gone home. Smile

Have a good weekend, everyone – and thank you for your well wishes, thoughts and concerns these last couple of weeks.  I leave you with my Gratitude Photo of the Week which was taken yesterday when I was feeling a bit frustrated and just overall down in the dumps:

 

Let me tell you, if you ever need a good cheering up – go to a greeenhouse.  That kind of color just makes it all better for a while, you know?

See you next week,

xo,

Ellen

Continuing to wait

  April 29, 2013 - 4:18 PM |
13 Comments

I am continually amazed by how my husband and I handle a crisis.  Like clockwork and without fail, whenever I’m ill he is well enough to care for me.  When he has fallen ill, it’s generally around the time I begin feeling better from whatever has been ailing me.  The only time I can think of when this didn’t happen was when I had surgery to remove a lump on my breast and the very next day Craig stepped into one of the holes he’d been digging for a fence.  I had to drive him to the emergency room where we waited to see if he’d broken his foot.  Thank goodness he didn’t, but let me tell you – becoming a caretaker less than 24 hours after surgery is the WORST.  Overall though, we seem to resemble a pendulum.  One moment it swings in my favor and the next moment it swings in his.  Truthfully though, we’re starting to think we’re a bit of a joke around here.  You know how people are always saying that because people are living longer and are overall healthier that Forty is the new Thirty?  Fifty is the new Forty?  Well, since when did Forty-three turn into the new Seventy-five?  Aren’t we just a little young to be dealing with constant health issues?  I mean, come ON!! 

It’s Monday and Craig is on his second week off from work.  He hasn’t had anything solid to eat in 6 days straight.  If he did, you could set his watch to the moment when he’d start becoming violently ill.  Six hours in, and it’s not pretty.  Tomorrow he has a series of tests that will hopefully determine if it’s a hernia, his gallbladder or something else.  We just hope for some kind of answer, so fingers crossed.

In the meantime I’ve been getting creative on how to handle the diet of a man who resembles that of an eighties supermodel:  a tic-tac for lunch, clear chicken broth for dinner and an eyelash for dessert. 

Seriously, I’ve been shoving up my arm sleeves and digging into some concoctions that will provide protein, vitamins and sustenance until these attacks subside.  We started out with smoothies which contained everything but the kitchen sink: fat free ice cream, agave, fat free yogurt, organic frozen berries, spinach leaves, and a banana.  Not enough protein however, so now he’s getting scoops of the powdery stuff added to his ‘meals’ which does help keep him fuller for longer periods of time. 

So, how am I dealing with all of this?  Not as well as I’d like.  We are used to eating together, and now that he’s home my entire schedule is out of whack.  He needs to have something every couple of hours which makes me want to eat every couple of hours with him. I don’t need to eat that often.  But I’ve been doing it.  Mistake number one. Mistake number two comes from the stress of the unknown which has always been my nemesis and creates the perfect storm for binge eating.  I haven’t done that in many, many months but the longer we go without answers and a plan of action, I seem to be feeling more like a loose cannon.  I just don’t deal well when people I love are in pain.  Me – I can handle.  I’ve spent half of my life in pain, but the moment a crisis like this happens my mind immediately goes to the proverbial medicine cabinet where I look for band-aids in the form of comfort foods.  The worst part of all this?  Craig is the one who has every right to be thinking about food, not I.  I feel guilty and a bit ashamed of myself for this.  Keeping our eyes on the prize, though.  This week we’ll have the knowledge we need to move forward.  I’m going to see to it that we do. 

On to some lighter news: I took photos of the house finch nest that’s camouflaged in our wreath just to the left of our front door.  See if you can spot it: 

 

 

..and I finally captured the proud papa sitting on our weeping cherry tree:

 

IMG_1510

He sits there and sings his heart out.  I just wish he would have let me take this photo this morning because our cherry tree is in FULL bloom now.  It would have made a spectacular photo, him surrounded by white blossoms. 

Hope you’re all having a good Monday. 

~Ellen

Gratefulness in Photos. Husband Update

  April 25, 2013 - 7:23 PM | ,
11 Comments

Last night was a crazy night.  It all started around dusk.  I was looking out of my bedroom window down to the creek we have running in our back yard.  There they were – a mama duck and 11 ducklings that were each about the size of a golf ball swimming closely behind, peeping away.  Craig was feeling quite uncomfortable after dinner so I was relaying the information to him as he lay in bed.  Suddenly, the two farm ducks that ‘rule the roost’ around these parts came waddling across the yard as quickly as they could.  One jumped in the water and began violently trying to mate with the mama duck.  He balanced himself on top of her while she tried to keep her head above water.  With the weight of him, the current carried them quickly back down the creek and they were gone from my eyesight.  The babies were frantic, peeping as loud as they could, not knowing where to go or what to do.  I kept waiting for the female to swim back upstream and claim her young but after 5 minutes or so I grabbed my coat and hat and marched outside toward the neighbor’s back yard. 

The farm duck had the female on the bank, still trying to mate with her.   A few ducklings found their way back to her and were trying to squeeze close to her body but the male kept stepping all over them as continued to try and mate with her.  She clearly wanted nothing to do with him.  I became so angry that I chased the farm duck all the way up the embankment and to the road.  I waited for them to cross over and into the pond on the other side.  When I started walking back towards the female and her young, they were all there huddled against her while she, clearly exhausted, just sat and watched me pass on by.  I was relieved that all were back together safe and sound – and at the same time very disturbed by how violent animals can get when they mate. 

When I came back to the house it was nearly pitch black outside.  It was time to let both dogs out. When I opened the back door that leads into their large, gated-off ‘do your business here’ pen, Emmie noticed a white tail and began chasing it until it squeezed past the fence bars and out of reach.  If she’d caught it, Emmie would have killed it before she knew what she was doing.  I’ve never seen a more immediate instinct on a dog. 

As she and Brulee started sniffing around I noticed some movement along the dead ornamental grass that lines the foundation of our house.  I looked really hard and couldn’t believe what I saw:  at least 10 baby bunnies trying to clamor their way back into a hole underneath the grass.  They were so small, 4 of them could have sat in one hand. 

Suddenly I panicked and looked over at both dogs but they were completely oblivious to the bunnies, did their business and trotted back into the house.  I ran inside to get my camera so I could capture my Gratitude Photo for the week: 

 

 

Can you make out the three faces looking right at me?   I’ve walked by that nest countless times.  Brulee loves to pee in the dead grass and I’m sure has walked right over the nest countless times, yet neither dog ever picked up that it was there. 

 

On to other news…

Craig had another attack last night – approximately 6 hours after he ate dinner.  There is nothing worse than begin woken up in the middle of the night to someone in severe pain. I asked him if he wanted to go back to the ER.  He was so distressed and holding his side, I couldn’t really get an answer from him. If he pushed really hard on the spot that hurt, it took his pain level down significantly.  I watched as he did this for a while and as the pain subsided he and I both noticed a ridge or lump under the skin where the pain was.  Immediately we both thought ‘hernia’.  We were up the rest of the night, ready to go the hospital if he grew any worse.  It didn’t however, so we waited until this morning to call the doctor.  With an appointment at noon we went in and sure enough, the bulge was gone.  ‘It could be a hernia,’ said the doctor, ‘or, it could be your bowel.’  Sigh. 

The colonoscopy has been canceled but an ultrasound has been scheduled for next Tuesday, along with other tests.  Then he will be referred to a doctor that specializes in hernias.  Until then, we wait. 

I am reminded through all of this how Craig must have felt after my hysterectomy last year – completely helpless. It’s so hard to watch him in be in pain.  We’ve not ruled out another trip back to the ER between now and thenTuesday if the pain worsens, but honestly it’s the waiting that has both of us so incredibly anxious.  My anxiety has been giving me away lately – when I get to a certain level, I get hives.  Sure enough I awoke with hives around my mouth this morning and my lips were twice their normal size.  We make a pair, Craig and I. One day we’ll surely look back on this last year in amazement that we got through it all. 

I saw this on someone’s Facebook page earlier: 

…a very appropriate visual for me to come across today.  No one falls apart on my watch – especially me.

Have a good weekend,

Ellen

The Good, the Bad–and the Night of a Thousand Waterfalls

  April 22, 2013 - 10:17 PM |
14 Comments

I’ve got the Good, the Bad and the Ugly all over the place this week – take your pick:

The Good~ my back is getting better.  It is finally happening.  I am a happy camper about this news, and I don’t mind saying that it’s about darned time. 

The Good and the Bad – Craig had a lot of tests last week, both at the ER and after.  Today, he received the results of his lab work and everything has come back normal. The pain still persists, but there is nothing to explain it. 

The Ugly – next up on the list of ‘by process of elimination’ tests to be performed? Colonoscopy, or what we like to call: Night of a Thousand Waterfalls. Winking smile

The Good ~ It’s been 10 months since I began painting full time and I am now beginning to sell my paintings on a fairly regular basis.  The owner of the shop/gallery that houses my art sends me a text every time an original piece sells.  This month has been my best thus far with eleven pieces sold.  It’s funny, because when I sell at the gallery, my online shop (Etsy) is terribly slow.  When nothing sells at the gallery, things pick up on Etsy. 

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a recent painting here, so I thought I’d share my latest with you:

I generally tend to paint according to how I feel.  Before Craig went into the ER I had a plan for this painting: a sky streaked with dawn’s beautiful colors.  Three dimensional butterflies would be glued to the canvas and arranged as if they were flying into the breeze.

I tend to be an emotional painter.  When I’m in a good mood, I paint with bright colors and when I’m upset I gravitate to darker colors. I don’t realize this as I’m painting, however.  As I began to worry more about Craig I continued to work on the painting when I needed to relieve my mind from the chaos inside.  Without really realizing it I’d painted the sky nearly pitch black and my original idea of the butterflies no longer worked or made sense. 

I tried everything I could think of to add another subject to this painting but nothing would come.  Finally, I decided to sleep on it.  By 4 AM I awoke to my answer of why Old Man Tree was smiling:  he was happy to see daylight because that meant the child in the house would soon be coming out to play.

I think I agonized over this painting more than any other I’ve ever done.  At the same time, it’s received the most positive attention from any other painting I’ve done. There’s a lesson in there, somewhere….

…one more ‘Good’ thing before I go – at least it will be to those of you who, like me, love David Sedaris: a new book of essays comes out this week.  The title: Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls makes zero sense to me, which is why I must get this book immediately! 

 

Craig and I thank you all for your kind thoughts regarding his mysterious condition.  We’ll figure this out – and when we do, we look forward to both of us being healthy… at the same time!  Wouldn’t that be something?!

~Ellen