I’m having one of ‘those days’. You know, the kind of days that we don’t like to talk about because we’ll just sound like we’re ungrateful or a complainer. When I have days like this I try to figure out what’s causing my mood. Even if I can’t fix it, I’d still like to know exactly what it is that has a hold of me so strongly. I might not be able to fix it but at least I’d understand it.
Well, that’s just not going to happen today because no matter how much I think about it I just can’t figure out why I’m sad.
So, what does a girl like me do when she has days like this? Why, she brings out the jar of peanut butter of course!
My mistake. I take total responsibility for this disaster-in-waiting decision. Normally I’m a devoted fan of Peanutta POW which is a powdered peanut butter (the best I’ve tried, and I’ve pretty much tried them all) but this was an impulse buy on a day when I was feeling terribly cocky with myself. My eating habits were spot on; I was in the zone. And I did pretty well actually – until the art fair crept closer and my anxiety started in increase. Then I began sneaking bites here and there. But OH, no…I don’t have the guts to just get out a serving and eat that. I don’t eat by the tablespoon, either. Nor do take a little sugar spoonful and pretend there aren’t enough calories for it to count. No, what I do is grab a regular teaspoon and stick it straight in the center of the jar. All the way down to the bottom. Then I pull it straight out. Whatever sticks to the spoon is what I eat; I lick it off slowly and deliberately and am mindful about it, but that’s only because every lick is sheer heaven. You see, this particular jar of peanut butter tastes IDENTICAL to a jar of melted Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups which is a serious weakness of mine. *Sigh*
I know what you’re thinking: “Why don’t you just throw it out or give it away to someone who obviously can handle her peanut butter?” Well now that would just be too easy, wouldn’t it? The honest-to-god truth is that I want this peanut butter handy in case I need it. Not ‘want’ it as in …in case I want to eat some but NEED, as in ‘if I get really sad then I’ll have something here that will make me feel better for a little while.’ I’m no stranger to this feeling. I know exactly what I’m doing here, people.
I have tried to think of other things. Instead of opening the blasted stuff yesterday I took the dogs for a walk. It was ungodly humid yesterday; neither the dogs or I wanted to be outside so we cut the walk short. Brulee was especially unhappy on the way home and nearly strained his neck trying to get at the air conditioner from the back seat:
The rest of the day was devoted to painting willy-nilly style. As in, I’m going to just paint and whatever happens, happens. Why is it that whenever I use the expensive watercolor paper the paintings never turn out, but when I use the junky paper I end up with paintings that I want to keep? Grr!!
I’m on a galaxy/nebula kick right now. Why, I don’t know. But I do know that these trees are in love…..
The bottom part is nearly done, but I’m still having issues with the top half, so obviously you aren’t allowed to see that part yet
I have not hit the peanut butter today, even though I feel so bummed out. That’s a good sign, I guess. I went to the store and brought home a lot of fruit and am working on this painting until Craig comes home from work so we can eat together. That’s the plan, anyway.
Maybe I’ll call my sister and see if she wants a half jar of peanut butter….