No Angle Here.
I respond to a lot of comments online. When someone compliments my work or writes something kind or even posts a comment on my blog I am genuinely, deeply grateful. Yes, I think about each and every kind word and/or response that is given to me. It is not an ‘angle’ or part of a hidden agenda by me, though recently it was implied that I couldn’t possibly be that grateful for every little thing said to me.
“You’ve got quite an angle thing going, there.”
We’ll say his name was Jack.
“What do you mean by angle?” I questioned.
“You know…how you go on profusely thanking people all of the time….like you’ve never been complimented before.”
I was completely and utterly confused. “I’m sorry; I don’t follow you,” I said.
Jack replied, “Take that comment someone made about that painting you started. You wrote back that his comment made you cry – I mean, c’mon…really?”
Suddenly I got it. This guy thought that my remark wasn’t heartfelt, rather me being sickeningly-sweet. Courtesy on steroids.
I knew Jack wasn’t trying to be mean, but I had two immediate thoughts: One – how dare he be that presumptuous and two, this guy doesn’t know me at ALL.
Before I go any further, this is the comment that was made when I posted a progress photo of an early stage painting on Facebook:
‘This is beautiful. They are always beautiful. How do I get the gift where every mark I put to paper is beautiful?’
I was caught off-guard when I first read that comment. It stirred something from within me and I suddenly felt my eyes well up with tears. What I typed back was this:
“That comment has truly touched my heart…(wait a minute – yep. I’m getting weepy.) Thank you so much.”
Back to jerky Jack. I responded to him by saying, “I meant those words. Everything that I communicate whether online or in person is sincere.” Jack just blinked at me a couple of times and then brushed off his original comment by saying, “I guess I didn’t know you were that sensitive.” The subject was then dropped.
Clarification: his part of the conversation was dropped. I’m obviously still thinking about what he said. Um…maybe obsessing on it is a better phrase. It makes me angry that I’m thinking about this at all, but I am. How many other people think I’m…..fake? Is that the word he was looking for in trying to describe me?
I consider myself very grateful to have the life I do. I’ll also be the first to admit that for a long time in my life I was treated like I was sub-human. I know what it’s like to have years pass without ever remembering a kind word being said, so yes – I might become emotional when I receive a compliment; it doesn’t happen all of the time, but it happens. However, I am nothing if not genuine.
I don’t say things that I don’t mean. I treat compliments as gifts from the heart and don’t immediately think that person is just looking for something from me. I don’t participate in drivel conversation. If I communicate something to someone, whether it’s in person or online – I mean exactly what I say. I truly believe there is a reason for everything and don’t say encouraging or positive things just to hear my own voice.
I believe in the goodness of people, dammit!
HAVEN’T YOU EVER HEARD OF KARMA?
…that’s what I should have told him.