Fat Girl Wearing Thin

Life beyond the loss.

   Sep 21


Hey there, Everyone! I hope you all had a great week.

I’ve made a vow to do something creative everyday, even if it’s just for 15 minutes.  It’s been working. Not unlike exercising, if you work hard at developing a habit – soon you’ll find that you miss that activity if you don’t connect with it every day.   I wish I had the same diligence about exercising.

In a little over 2 weeks it will be four months since I had surgery. Today (actually, in about an hour) I am going to the doctor.  I should be feeling markedly better by now but for some unknown reason, I am not.  On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst kind of tired you can imagine, I am hovering around a 12. In the mornings I have fairly decent energy but as the day progresses so does my lack of stamina. 2-3 PM seems to be around the time where I hit my ‘wall’ and I suffer from the type of fatigue I never dreamed existed.

Unfortunately as the weeks and months pass, the fatigue is getting worse. My blog has suffered; my strength, and most importantly, my overall quality of life. Exercise is no longer an option for me unless I do it as soon as I get up in the mornings and then, it can only consist of walking 20-25 minutes on the treadmill.  I am eager to find an answer to this very frustrating problem; no longer can I blame it on recovery. 

The good news is that when the culprit is found, whether it be hormone, thyroid, anemia or whatever, and I find myself beginning to feel better I suspect it will feel like coming out on the first day of Spring from a long, dreary winter; I’ll be ready to take on the world!  So, for as boring as my blog has been these past few months, just you wait, because when I regain my energy this place is going to be a reader’s paradise! Winking smile


Remember Patty – the elderly woman I used to work for? Her children have been in town trying to remove the remaining items from her house so I’ve been helping every morning this week doing small thing like packing dishes, making trips to the Goodwill, and coming to terms with the fact that the home I’ve worked in for the past 12 years will soon be sold. Patty has really great children and I’ve had the pleasure of growing closer to them as we all make our way through the grieving process. They’ve allowed me to choose several items to keep that have become quite sentimental to me over the years. Here’s a few of my newly adopted mementos.

First, my inherited table:



For twelve years I listened as Patty spoke about how she and her best friend went shopping for this table while her husband was studying for exams at Harvard in the early 1940’s. She often talked about the wonderful dinner parties she threw in their little apartment.  She’d serve dinner to their best friends in the world as they gathered around that small table, which she continued to adore even 70 years later. By the time I met her it was worn, scratched, and had numerous water rings on the top. The last 2 or 3 years she talked about having it refinished but she couldn’t part with it long enough to have it done. When I acquired it, I immediately took it to a local strippe shop and had it done in her memory.



The owner of the shop told me that this table was built somewhere in the mid-1800s. The materials used to screw it together were hand forged by a blacksmith. I adore my little table and hope to experience half as many warm memories with it as she did.

Next, you have to see these gloves:




They are so small, my hands barely fit inside. I imagine these gloves adorning her petite hands at a festive Chicago-style party in the 50’s, with a matching long, flowing, gown.



And finally,




A door which hung to the left of her entryway, which, from what I understand, was taken from the house of one of Patty’s favorite places to live.  It traveled with her half way across the country until they both finally settled in this area.  You may recognize the design from the work of artist Robert Indiana.

The door is in a desperate need of paint as you can see, but I’ll have it looking as good as new in no time and will most likely hang it somewhere in my garden.  I’ve been thinking a lot about all of the places it and its owner have traveled.  It’s a reminder that no matter how trapped I’m currently feeling health-wise, there’s always an open door nearby that’s ready to lead me on a different path.  I know; sounds kind of corny, but it’s true, right?

Have a good weekend and as always, thank you for reading.


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  1. Sorry to hear you aren’t doing well:) Hugs.

  2. Kyra says:

    Love all the pieces you have! That table came out beautifully!

  3. Sharon says:

    When I first began reading, I thought, “wow, if I was closer, Ellen & I sure could have some great girl time in the afternoons” as fatigue from Rheumatoid Arthritis is one of the things with which I’m also battling. But then I realized there would probably be more sleeping than anything else. Anyway, not to have a pity party here, just letting you know I understand how frustrating it is. Mine will subside once I get the disease under control again with the right combination of meds. My hope and prayer is that yours is solved quickly and easily. I’ll be anxious to hear what the doc has to say and his/her suggestions.

    • Ellen says:

      I sympathize with you so much, Sharon. You’re right – we could hold competitions to see who dozes off first 😉
      You are remarkable for being able to continue on your hikes despite your fatigue. It can be a problem that feeds on itself and it’s hard to break the cycle without some type of intervention. I hope to have some answers by Tuesday. Thinking of you…

  4. Jan says:

    I am so sorry to hear that you’re still feeling so tired and it seems to be getting worse. I hope the doctor has some answers for you (or at least suggestions). Please keep us posted.

    I LOVE your new belongings and the stories behind them. I love that Patty’s family treats you as family too. :)

    • Ellen says:

      I’ve been thinking of you, Jan. Hope you are settling well in your new home and have an email drafted in my head for you. Just need to get it down onto my laptop!

  5. Jenn @ Cooking Aweigh the Pounds says:

    I love everything that you received from Patty. I’m glad that you have things around your home that will remind you of her often.

    I hope you received good (or at least helpful) news from the doctor today! Thinking of you! *hugs*

  6. Munchberry says:

    Oh I hope the doc has some idea of what is going on and what the fix might be.

    Isn’t it interesting the wide variety of patty treasures there are. All so different. I love that you got ones that had memories for you and with wonderful memories Patty shared with you. Makes it so much more meaningful.

    Feel well my friend.

  7. NewMe says:

    I really hope the doctor finds the culprit soon and that your energy comes flooding back. In the meantime, let your body lead you and if you need to sleep a lot–sleep!

    I love your new belongings. That table is absolutely gorgeous. I’m quite the antique lover and that table is just superb.

    Lots of hugs to you!!!

    • Ellen says:

      I am desperate for an answer. Not being in yoga is one of the things I miss the most.
      I hesitated in refinishing this table. I’ve always been told that for an antique you should never try to ‘fix’ it, even if it’s in bad shape because that can decrease the value of it; but I never plan to sell it so that pretty much answered THAT question :) It did turn out really well and you can still see the nicks and cuts in the wood which I love.
      Hugs back to you tenfold! xo

  8. Here’s hoping you and your doctor are able to find the solution to your fatigue! Life isn’t fun when you feel droopy all the time.

  9. Mary says:

    Those gloves are so lovely! I hope you feel better soon. I have been excessively tired lately too – part of why I withdrew from running the marathon, even! Part of it is medical, part is likely the stress of the year catching up to me. Hope they figure out how to make you feel better ASAP!!!

    • Ellen says:

      The gloves are pretty, aren’t they? I’m trying to figure out a way to display them.
      This feeling of exhaustion can be so debilitating. I’m sorry you had to withdraw from the marathon but completely understand the reasoning behind it. You are wise enough to know what your body can handle right now. Stress can certainly play a big part and your move was stressful enough, even though you were coming back to a place you loved. Thinking of you, Mary. Hope you are feeling better and better SOON!

  10. debbyr says:

    I will be anxious to find out what the doctor says. I really hope he has a concrete answer.

    I love all your sentimental inheritances, and isn’t it amazing how small women’s hands were? I have the pair of kid gloves that my grandmother wore for her wedding and they are just tiny.

  11. didi says:

    I am sorry to hear that you are still feeling tired and worn out. Maybe you should try a supplement like Floradix Iron and Herb to see if you get an energy boost. I hope your doc can figure out what is going on, so that you can get back to yoga and exercise. It must be maddening to still feel so fricken tired after four months, especially since you are such an active person. Hugs, and good luck.
    Not sure why, but when I was reading about your inherited items I teared up quite a bit. Thinking about all the love she had for that table, and how much “living” that old table experienced got me all misty eyed. Love those gloves. What will you do with them? I think I’d be tempted to incorporate them into a painting or frame them.

  12. I hope to hear very soon that a simple solution to the fatigue has been found!

    And I love the items you chose…there is nothing like having an item that has been a special part of someone else’s life. I have items like that from my Dad, my grandmother, and others and I think it’s what makes my house a home.

  13. Hanlie says:

    I’m starting to get really concerned about your fatigue. I hope you find out what’s wrong.

    I love your heirlooms! And the open door reference…

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