Fat Girl Wearing Thin

Life beyond the loss.

   Mar 07

Today’s Post is being brought to you by the letter C

Colin Hay Concert.

This weekend my husband and I have a date in Chicago to see one of our favorite singers.  Not that I need an excuse to go to Chicago, mind you.  I had an opportunity to live there a long time ago, but life took on another path.  It’s only fair that I live close enough to go there whenever great music or new art comes calling. 

If you’re looking for great music, hilarious stories in an intimate setting, I highly recommend going out for a night with Colin Hay. 


Consultation.  Next week is my surgical consultation and the reality of that is now starting to move into the foreground of my thoughts.  I am not ashamed to say that I am feeling more and more anxious about the idea of a hysterectomy actually happening to this body of mine.  Not good for a woman known to have issues with anxiety.  My list of questions for the gynecologist is growing so I’m sure I’ll be an encyclopedia of knowledge the next time I blog about this (which most likely will be at some point next week). 




Yoga has been a lifesaver for me this winter. I’ve been doing it less than a year, but my flexibility has improved so much over the past few months, and my practice has helped reduce my anxiety, as well as strengthen my muscles. Recently I’ve mastered Crane pose. This is huge for me, especially since I’ve always felt a weakness in upper body strength. There are a few other poses that I am getting better at, and I suppose I should post photos of me actually doing them. While I am confident in many of my poses, I have a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn’t look nearly as graceful as the practitioners in my yoga magazines, with their effortless way about them. One of these days though, I promise.

Contraception.  Several years ago my treatment options for endometriosis were becoming slim.  In between surgeries and injections it was still believed that using a birth control pill was the least invasive and most effective way of treating this disease.  My insurance company refused to cover the medication and the brand I needed was quite expensive.  After several phone calls with the company I was told that my ‘situation’ would go before a board and might be covered if my doctor wrote a letter stating that it was a medical necessity.  My doctor obliged with a detailed letter describing why this medication was being prescribed.  I waited for a response from my insurance company and heard nothing.  After several more phone calls I was told that my doctor’s letter had been ‘misplaced’ and that he would need to send another.  After several more weeks I was told that I hadn’t heard anything because the board was still in the decision-making process.  Nearly 5 months and countless phone calls later I was finally approved for the medication.  This run-around technique is not uncommon with many insurance companies.

In addition to preventing pregnancy, the pill is often used to treat many health-related problems, such as dysmenorrhea, anemia, Polycystic Ovarian Disorder, amenorrhea; even acne.  Do I support the idea of contraception being offered to women under all health insurance plans?  Absolutely.



Creativity and Cards

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was working on setting up a shop so that I could sell notecards that I’ve made which will include reproductions of my artwork and photography.  I’m about 80% done with my project and am hoping to go Live with it within the next month.  In the meantime, I’ve also been creating more art on canvas – mainly to take my mind off of my upcoming surgery.  Here is the latest work in progress:

Generally, I like to have several things working at once.  I currently have 4 or 5 paintings/drawings unfinished in the basement that I work on at once.  Not sure why this works for me because I cannot function this way in any other aspect of my life; usually, more than one project at a time is too overwhelming for me. 



Well, that’s all of the ‘C’s that I have for today.  Interesting ones, that is.  I could drag this post out to include what’s in my crock pot for dinner, or discuss my very strong craving for chocolate cake, lately

(Seriously.  Does anyone have a good low-cal recipe for chocolate cake?)

Have a good Hump Day, everyone. 



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  1. Glad you got that insurance issue resolved. Grisham (I think) wrote a fictional book years ago that basically said insurance companies say “no” because most people won’t then appeal or follow up.

    • Ellen says:

      I really believe that’s true, Karen. It got really tiring making phone call after phone call, knowing that I was going to get the run-around (and I hate making phone calls anyway!) The funny things is, now our insurance company pays for BC but I can no longer take it. Sigh.

  2. debby says:

    Ellen, I’ve had trouble with your post loading this week. Today I decided to scroll down and see if there was anything else to see. And there was today’s post under “previous posts.” Don’t know if its my computer or everyone’s but thought I should mention it.

    I love your artwork, and I need to do yoga!

    • Ellen says:

      Debby, thank you for letting me know this. I really appreciate when readers show me what I can’t see from my end. I will look into it, and if anyone else is having trouble getting my blog to load, please let me know! Thanks :)

      • Goodnuff says:

        Im having the same issue. It shows up blank on top and by chance I scrolled down and lo and behold the new posts are at the bottom of the page.

        • Ellen says:

          I can’t seem to locate the problem. Are you all using Firefox or Windows? Do you go straight to the blog or are you reading in a reader? So sorry about this.

  3. Mary says:

    I haven’t personally made this, but there are a ton of recipes like this one on Pinterest, for single-serve cakes made in a mug in the microwave: http://www.2stews.com/2009/05/1-2-3-chocolate-microwave-mug-cake.html

    Enjoy Chicago for me! :) I will be there in a few weeks for the Shamrock Shuffle and half of my spring break, I can’t wait!

    • Ellen says:

      Mary, my hero. Thank you SO much for the link. I’m totally going to try this. Thank goodness it’s one serving or I might be in big trouble.
      Have fun in Chicago when you go. One of these days we’re going to find out that we’ll be there at the same time! Love that town.

  4. E. Jane says:

    Have a great time in Chicago. Also, I love your art work. I also am amazed by people who have such a talent! Glad you got approved for the medication.

    • Ellen says:

      That is very kind of you. I am trying to get all of my projects finished (I have one that’s been sitting for over a year) but I doubt if that will happen. Too many pots in the fire, as they say!

  5. Jan says:

    I hope you have a great time in Chicago and enjoy your Colin Hay show! Praying for your upcoming consultation and that your doctor can give you answer to your questions and put your mind at ease. Congratulations on mastering the Crane pose. Way to go!! Been there, done that with the birth control pills helping the Endometriosis pain (they certainly take the edge off). I can’t wait to your “store” go live. You have such beautiful cards. I can’t wait for the world to see them. :) Oh…and I want to know what’s in your crock-pot AND if you ever find a low-cal recipe for chocolate cake. :)

  6. Erin says:

    Way to go on mastering the Crane pose!! I’ve been in yoga and actually laughed out loud when it was suggested we try it. I’ve got a long way to go! :) Enjoy your concert. Sounds like a good break from the norm and hopefully a respite from the anxiety about other upcoming events…

    • Ellen says:

      I did the same thing – I laughed out loud (no one else did. Just me.) The same with eagle pose, but I can do that one now, too. The ones that are REALLY making me laugh and roll my eyes now are side crane and firefly. Yeah, right. Never say never, I guess – but geez! I don’t know how people do those!!
      Thank you for your comment, Erin :)

  7. Connie says:

    Great job with the crane pose!! That’s one that I’m still working on being able to hold for any length of time. I can get there for a few seconds and that’s about it.

    I hope your consultation goes good! Sometimes just figuring out what to do about a situation is the worst part.

    I love your artwork!

    • Ellen says:

      If you’re there, you’re there Connie! It’s only a matter of time on the length of it. Congratulations :)
      Thank you for your good wishes re: my surgery ‘talk’ with the dr. You’re right – it’s the waiting that’s so hard. Once I know where, what and when I’ll feel better.

  8. I’m glad you are doing your surgery consultation – I know it’s been weighing heavily on your mind, and I’m glad you are moving forward (or even just dealing with it)!

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of an online store for your cards – as you know, since I received one from you, I’ve been totally wanting one!

    • Ellen says:

      Laura, you are getting to know me pretty darned well (I loved the line, ‘even just dealing with it.’) I’ve been avoiding this topic for longer than I’m even going to say. It’s time I put on my big girl panties and step off the fence and just get the damned thing done.

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Colin Hay in Chicago! How COOL is that? I saw one of my heroes, Darden Smith, at Schuba’s in ChiTown. It was a great night – lovely, intimate venue.

    Wishing you a quick and thorough recovery from your surgery…and as someone who uses oral contraception for controlling premenstrual dysphoric disorder (aka: pmdd, aka: really obnoxiously heavy and irregular cycles), I am all for b.c. being covered by insurance. I have to jump through similar hoops that you did.

    I love the artwork and your ability to have several things going at once. Godspeed!

    • Ellen says:

      Okay, Elizabeth – Darden Smith is on my list of ‘must listen to’ because I’ve never heard the name (the ones that aren’t mainstream are many times the BEST!)
      Ah, I forgot about BC for treatment of pmdd. That one is a hard one to gain control of, too. I hope you’re feeling better these days.
      Thanks so much for your comment :)

      • Elizabeth says:

        I first heard Darden when I was working at a radio station back in the mid-90s. He had something of a hit then called “Loving Arms.” His album Little Victories is fabulous, and so is Sunflower. Field of Crows is a little moodier but still excellent.

        • Ellen says:

          Listening to “Loving Arms” on YouTube as I type this. I can see why you like him. His style reminds me of Colin’s a bit. Really like this song! Thanks for pointing me to him :)

  10. Ooooh, I’m telling Limbaugh! *snerk* (which rhymes nicely with jerk which is much nicer than what I usually think about his kind)

    I’m so envious/proud you mastered the crane pose, and I am going to engage my competitive streak in a few minutes (letting dinner settle first) and try it. Considering I’m still trying to master warrior poses, my odds are not good for success but the potential entertainment value is too much to pass up!

    • Ellen says:

      Cammy, you are too funny. Hey, if you’re going to talk to him anyway, I have a whole list of things you can tell him for me!!
      Feel the Crane, Cammy. Feel the Crane!

  11. Hanlie says:

    I love the card! So beautiful. I can see you’re getting excited about spring.

    Just made a note to myself to look up Colin Hay. I’m always looking for new-to-me artists.

    Good luck with the surgical consultation. Over here birth control is also not covered by medical aid (insurance), although some brands (Pill and injection) are available for free from state clinics. You just have to wait in a line for a few hours every three months to get it. If I wanted to get a Mirena though, I’d have to pay for the device and the procedure myself.

    • Ellen says:

      Hanlie, I kid you not – something brought you to my blog today because I had a dream about you just last night. I went to bed thinking I hadn’t seen you around it a while and then dreamed that we met. When I saw your comment this morning it brought a smile to my face :)

  12. Chelsey Sloan says:

    Ellen! (I’m shouting at you as if we’ve met 1000 times) I LOVE this piece of artwork. LOVE IT, I SAY! Just thought you should know.

    • Ellen says:

      Chelsey, I am offering you the job as my official ego-booster (and cheerleader for when I can’t seem to make anything look right and want to cover everything in white and start over). Thank you for shouting it so I could hear you! XO!! LOL

  13. Good luck with your consultation, Ellen. It’s understandable that you’re nervous, who wouldn’t be before surgery? Here’s hoping that everything goes smoothly. Make sure and take your list of questions with you. I know I hate it when I have a bunch of questions and as soon as I’ve left the appointment, I realize I’ve forgotten one or two…

  14. Good luck with your consultation next week, Ellen. May this all get over and done with so that you can get on with your life pain free!

    Congrats on mastering the Crane! I cannot imagine the balance and strength that that must take to do that. I’m super uncoordinated so color me impressed! 😀

    Your art is so beautiful, Ellen. You’re such a gifted artist! Can’t wait to see what you unveil next month!

    • Ellen says:

      I have to admit Jenn – I’m getting really nervous. SO do not want to do this.
      Thank you for your support. I’ll need as much as I can get once the date is set.

  15. teresa says:

    How about a chocolate angel food cake? I just found a gluten free recipe I want to try, but there are lots out there…
    How did I know nothing of a hysterectomy? I’m glad you’re educating yourself. I don’t know much about it. I wish I could offer more… just support in any way I can if you need me. I get the anxiety part, of course.
    And I am so impressed that you can do that crane pose!!!!! Holy crap!! You give me hope that I can do more with this body of mine that I thought at this point. It is totally cool that you can do that. And it seems like only yesterday that you were debating getting your butt to yoga!
    The art cards are especially exciting to me. I need a whole set, plus extras of that door thing with the trees that I am in love with.
    And in honor of “C”, instead of ending this with Hugs, I”ll leave you with Cuddles… xoxo

  16. Goodnuff says:

    Most importantly..the cake. I don’t have a cake recipe but I do have a brownie one. Black bean brownies.
    http://blackbeanbrownies.com/ yum!
    I totally understand the anxiety of surgery and especially of a hysterectomy. I have not gotten a chance to read your blog archives yet so I don’t know your situation but I can say from working with all women and taking care of only women, it dies not matter if you have no children or ten. Can have children or not or don’t even want them. I think there’s just a sense of finality to it that makes it hard. I was 99.9% sure I didn’t want any more kids for tons of reasons…I’m almost 40, Moody is 21 etc etc. And I was 1000% sure I was sick of bleeding daily but I still cried after my ablation because it was no longer a choice or a possibility. And it’s surgery…that’s always scary in my book. I’m glad that you took the reins in your own healthcare and followed through on the OCP. More people need to do that.
    Your artwork is beautiful. My grandma was always a letter writer and she had some if the neatest stationary and cards. Now that she doesn’t remember me I wish I would have kept more of her letters. Hindsight.

    • Ellen says:

      Thank you for the recipe! Very exciting to see new tweaks on old tried and true recipes :)
      Your description is identical to how I am feeling. I know that mourning is coming. I can feel it deep within me. That, and a whole host of other things. I’m very ready to get some answers. Waiting is the hardest part, really.

  17. Val says:

    YIkes, I’m behind in reading my blogs! I wish I could reassure you about hysterectomy; would it help if I told you it’s a simple, routine surgery that I perform [almost] daily???
    (One of my riding buddies finally had hers & was bragging to me: “I can’t BELIEVE I put it off so long! It’s so great to RIDE WITHOUT PAIN!”)
    & many congrats on your yoga progress… I know it does me tremendous good, even w/my limited abilities IF I SIMPLY SET ASIDE A LITTLE TIME TO DO THE PRACTICE…

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