Fat Girl Wearing Thin

Life beyond the loss.

   Jan 02

Hate-Loss Challenge Topic List: Week One

Topic for Group Therapy Day, January 5th:     

Looking Back and Letting Go


This week’s exercise: Think back to a time or place in your life when you formed negative thoughts about yourself. Why do you think you are undeserving of praise? 

Was there a specific event that caused you to change the way you perceive yourself?

Is it because you’ve always been reminded of your imperfections or weaknesses?

Is it because you’re not receiving enough positive feedback from people whose opinions really matter to you?

Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself?

Were you taught these habits from living in an unhealthy environment?

Write about it, and then ask yourself: How can I find a way to forgive those who have hurt me? How can I forgive myself?

Finally, discuss the Positive Reinforcement Sheet and how it’s working out so far.  Are there any particular words you are struggling with? Any words that are becoming easier to say?  How does it feel hearing you speak in a positive manner about yourself?


Remember:  Give yourself the gift of honesty here, but don’t feel pressured to write about things that you may not be ready to share with other readers.  This is YOUR exercise.  You can be as vague or as detailed as you are comfortable with.  The idea is to allow yourself to come face-to-face with the past so you can begin to put it behind you.

Thought for the Day: Sometimes, unresolved feelings cling to us without us realizing it. If you are holding on to something negative from your past, think about the feelings you carry with those memories: is it shame? Guilt? Anger? Pain? They can’t be seen, but they are there, holding you back from living the life you deserve. Forgiving the past takes away it’s control over you. It allows you to let go and begin living in the moment and for your future.

Quotes of the Week: 

"We may not know how to forgive, and we may not want to forgive; but the very fact we say we are willing to forgive begins the healing practice."

~ Louise Hay

"Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over."

~ Unknown

“When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it.”

~ Lewis B. Smedes


No free-ride just because I’m hosting this challenge.  I have thought long and hard about when this negative behavior began in my life and will be spending the week working on my own post for Thursday.  Good luck to all of you with your exercises.   Remember to stop by here from your blog and link to your update post from my comments section on Thursday so other participants know how to find you and offer support.  Another reminder to those of you who don’t run a blog:  you can still participate – just post your update in my comments section on Thursday.  I don’t want anyone feeling excluded from this Challenge. 

Have a great Monday, everyone!



You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


  1. Roxie says:

    Looking forward to the challenge, Ellen.

    Happy New Year – may it bring you many good things.

    • Ellen says:

      Roxie, I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you’re involved once again. I learned a lot from you last year and know you’ll bring perspective and a good deal of knowledge to other participants as well. Happy New Year to you!

  2. Myra says:

    Yes, yes, yes. Hate is a cancer. Resentment can eat us up. I have just used the phrase “it was the best they could do at the time” and let it go. A grudge is like being stung to death by one bee. Good post.

    • Ellen says:

      Myra, thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience on this subject. It’s definitely one that I think most everyone has come face to face with at some point in their lives. A hard one to battle, though.

  3. It’ll be interesting to see where this goes. I like the idea of the challenge, and I’m curious to see the responses you and your other readers come up with.
    I think this quote (from Ann Landers, no less) would fit in well with yours. “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”

  4. Hanlie says:

    Kicking it off with a tough assignment? Way to go! This will be a challenging one for me…but I’m up for it.

    • Ellen says:

      I think, for me at least, this will be the toughest one to deal with. Might as well get it out of the way then, right? I don’t know if I’d be up for it if I weren’t doing this challenge so I’m glad to have others like you to help guide me through it.

  5. Marsial says:

    Hi Ellen. Just wanted to stop by and wish you well on hosting your new challenge. I don’t plan to join since I believe I have worked through most of the unpleasantness in my past and don’t really care to revisit it. But it can be a stimulating exercise for those who haven’t done so. I do want to say this, however, about forgiveness, and I may well be in the minority here. I believe that not everyone deserves forgiveness. That doesn’t mean one has to eat themselves up over wrongs done to them by that person. In my case, I acknowledge those malevolent acts against me and use the memory of them to create a steel wall between me and my abuser(s). I don’t dredge up the past, I don’t sit around thinking evil thoughts about the person(s). My heart is open to love and kindness to and from many other people. But I don’t let that person(s) get close to me again, and I’m always on guard when/if I have to have an encounter.

    Have you heard the parable about the scorpion and the fox (sometimes a frog). A fox hops into a river to begin to cross it. A nearby scorpion on the shore says, “Hey, Fox. I need to get across the river, too. Would you carry me on your back?” The fox answers, “Are you kidding? You’re a scorpion! You’ll sting me and we’ll both drown!” The scorpion shakes his head and says calmly, “I can assure you — I will not sting you. Why would I do that? I don’t want to drown.” The fox thinks for a moment — then says a little dubiously, “Well, okay, you’ve got a point there.” So the scorpion hops on the back of the fox and the fox starts swimming across the river. About halfway across, the scorpion stings the fox! The fox yells and turns his head to the scorpion and shouts, “You stung me! Why did you do that!” And the scorpion replies, “I can’t help it. It’s in my nature.” And they both drown.

    My conclusion…..guard yourself against scorpions.

    • Ellen says:

      Marsial, thank you for your comment on this topic – a very sensitive and for many, difficult topic to deal with. I agree wholeheartedly with you about guarding yourself. No one wants to be stung twice, and in the case of a scorpion sting many people don’t get a second chance. This is why I especially love that last quote about when forgiving evil we don’t excuse it or tolerate it. That is extremely important to remember. That being said, I think the forgiving is more about us than them.
      I’m grateful to you for your thoughts and I’m glad that you’ve worked through the past. I hope to be able to do the same.

      • Paula says:

        You are so right about forgiving is more about us then them. Sometimes it just isn’t easy. I just try to remember that forgiveness is not exoneration.

  6. Wow…I basically wrote a book about this LOL

    In some ways, like Marisal, I don’t want to dredge it all back up again (especially the “whys”), but I also see a challenge…a challenge to write about the issue of forgiveness from my new perspective of “practice” (my word for 2012).

    • Ellen says:

      Yes, you did didn’t you? And it was a great book, too :)
      I’m looking forward to reading your take on this, Karen. You have tremendous insight already and I know that I’ll learn a lot from your post.

  7. Thank you for this great and revealing first assignment. I am looking forward to seeing where this challenge brings me during this month.

    “Cause I am smart enough, cute enough, brave enough and gosh-darn, people like me!” – Stu Smalley, SLN Character skits

    • Ellen says:

      Gotta love Stewart Smalley. I even watched the movie (did you know there was a movie?) I’d forgotten myself until you mentioned him.
      Looking forward to seeing you on Group Therapy Thursday, Jane.

  8. I didn’t know about the movie. Roku/Netflix here I come!

    Talk to you soon!


  9. Yetti says:

    Is it too late to join the challenge? Trying to up my self confidence :-\, this looks like a great opportunity to kick my self hatred behavior to the curb.

    • Ellen says:

      Yetti, this is a wide open challenge, meaning that anyone can join at any time they want. The more the better, because everyone has such unique and interesting ways to deal with their insecurities so it’s great to learn from everyone. GREAT to have you participating. If you still want to do this weeks challenge, please do so; just link it to yesterday’s blog so other participants can find you, read and offer support :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *