Fat Girl Wearing Thin

Life beyond the loss.

   Dec 05

Awkward No More


Life is better here at the House of the Sick & Crippled.  My husband has been nursing his back while I’ve been nursing him for the past several days and we both are on the mend.  Many, many thanks to those who dropped by my blog on Friday with good wishes and to those who suggested acupuncture.  What an excellent idea.  I am researching specialists in the area (there are surprisingly few here) and may just end up making myself an appointment.  I’ve missed yoga for the last week and my back is not happy with the neglect it’s been receiving. 



Speaking of yoga, while in class a couple of weeks ago I had a smack-me-over-the-head-utter-amazement kind of moment.  We were around twenty minutes into class, and were instructed by our yoga teacher to move into a series of poses, holding each pose for 5 breaths.  They were: plank, left side plank, plank again, right side plank, with a few other core exercises sprinkled in for good measure (for a photo of side plank, click here).  Afterward I couldn’t help but notice the younger woman next to me.  She was doing a lot of labored breathing and was soaking wet with sweat.  It concerned me and I couldn’t help but keep an eye on her for the remainder of the class.  Our instructor kept reminding ‘the class’ that it’s not about competing with those next to us.  “We should listen to our bodies and remind ourselves that this is not a competition,” she said.  

We continued doing a few more core strengthening poses and it was clear that the young woman was having a difficult time.  She was a real trooper and made every attempt in keeping with the poses but when we finished in child’s pose (relaxing and restful) she was pretty out of breath and shaky. 

When class was over I started rolling up my mat; I made eye contact with her and smiled.  When I did, I saw a very overwhelmed expression.  She wore the look of frustration and disappointment on her face.  She gave me a quick glance, lifted her mat and left the studio.   It struck me at that very moment that I was looking at a mirror image of myself 14 years ago.  This woman looked to be in her mid-twenties and was carrying approximately the same weight I was at her age – around 230 pounds.  If I had taken the same class back then, I would have struggled as much, if not more than she did that day.  Scratch that.  In reality, I never would have had enough self-esteem to TAKE a class to begin with.  I never thought I’d be the type of person to do any kind of physical activity in a class setting.  I have always been so self-conscious about my awkwardness that it interfered with my ability to concentrate on my task at hand. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to those around us who make certain exercises look effortless and graceful.  It suddenly struck me that my fear of being in a group exercise class was gone.  I had confidence in my body.  Wow.  What a new feeling that was. 

It’s funny, because what I also wanted to write in today’s post was that I feel the strongest I’ve ever felt in my life – and I did feel that way until I caught that cold. Now, I just feel like a puny weakling who now gets winded by stepping out of the shower. I will head back to yoga tonight and take a gentle class, but I know that I’m going to be huffing and puffing and making grunting sounds with every pose I do. I know it’s temporary, but boy does it ever make me appreciate my body when it’s healthy.

As I prepare for tonight’s class (I’m sure it will take me an hour alone just to get myself dressed) I’m thinking about that young woman.  If she were practicing next to me tonight like she was a couple of weeks ago, she’d probably be thinking, ‘What the hell happened to her?!’   I would take the time to tell her that this is precisely why we can’t compare ourselves to other people.  We don’t have the luxury of knowing the backstory of the people we exercise with.  I’d also want her to know that the only thing that truly matters is that we’re out there, trying, and that I myself had just recently gained the courage to do what she was doing. 

Hopefully I will see her again.  If not, then perhaps another person at another time.


Thanks for reading today.  Come back on Wednesday for our Moving Mountains Update.  To those of you who decided to participate last month, stop by to share your progress report for the month of November.  To those who want to work on a specific goal for the month of December, drop by to leave your goal with me and mark your calendar for December 31st, which will be our final update for the year as well as the official end of the Moving Mountains Challenge – can you believe it’s been running every month for almost a whole year? 

See you on Wednesday!



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  1. I’m glad you’re in a position where you’re feeling that you can help others through problems you’ve gone through. I hope you do get the chance to talk to this woman. That’s probably one of the reasons I’ve never really been one for group classes. I’m afraid of looking foolish in front of others, or at least looking like I don’t know what I’m doing. Something I’ll need to work on in the future.

  2. E. Jane says:

    So glad that you and your husband are feeling better. When I get sick, I can lose momentum for quite a few weeks. You’re a good person with concern for others. People like you don’t grow on trees anymore!

  3. Shannon says:

    It would probably make her day if you told your fellow yoga classmate everything you said here. Some people need that support and she may not have that or may be needing more of it. If you see her again, I would suggest that you approach her and offer support. Tell her about your blog. It could be just the thing she needs to feel more confident in her class. You could be her mentor! Great post, glad you and hubby are feeling better!

  4. I’m so glad everyone is on the mend!

    I also see people at the gym who are currently where I started. I always take a moment to silently cheer them on, offer what I hope is an encouraging smile if we make eye contact, and to be very grateful that we’re both on the right track. At least for that moment. :)

  5. Caron says:

    Love this. Hope you get all better soon.

  6. Jan says:

    What an amazing feeling…to feel comfortable in your own body. I’m so excited for you. It really does make all the difference. You stand taller and walk prouder. :)

  7. LauraJayne says:

    First, I hope that woman comes back! I believe your smile probably did wonders!

    It’s always amazing to me how I can feel strong one day (or one moment) and totally weak and helpless the next! I think we have to experience both to grow – the first to know that we have grown and second to let us know that we need to continue!

  8. I’m so glad you’re feeling better.

    And I hope the lady at yoga comes back. I wonder what brought her there in the first place, and I hope that if it’s peace, anxiety-relief, or whatever else… that she can find it.

  9. Jill says:

    I am so glad you and your husband are feeling better! Bummer that is happened at the same time and you didn’t get the pampering back to health that you needed and deserved!
    I love this post. I used to be the “that” girl who would NEVER go to a class setting. Not until I lost all my weight anyways. A good friend made me realize that I needed the classes to help me lose weight. It took a while- but I finally went to a class. Then I became the “that” girl that hid in the back of class hoping with ALL of my might that no one was looking at me or judging me. Over time I became the girl that went to the gym because I needed it, I wanted it and it was fun. This post also is a good reminder in life that we should NEVER judge people- we don’t ever really know what is going on in their lives. I often tell my daughter when we are driving after someone cuts in front of…. maybe they are on the way to the hospital. I want to try to teach her that we just never know.
    Great post!
    I hope Yoga goes well for you tonight!!!

  10. Tim says:

    Good to hear that your both on the mend.

    I also hope the woman comes back too! I was going to suggest something similar to shannon, maybe you can say hello to her next time and see how shes doing :)

  11. Karen says:

    I tried chair yoga here at the spa twice. Love it!

  12. Val says:

    Thanks for the link – I have fallen off the wagon in my daily yoga practice, gotta get back to it!
    Saddling up…

  13. I felt love oozing out of this post…

    Glad everyone is feeling better and that you’re relaxing into the yoga.

  14. Roz says:

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!!!! Glad you are both on the mend too!! Take care.

  15. Munchberry says:

    Oh I hope you are feeling better! I am still catching up with you.

    So many people never consider that people might have a back story. They just look and make all sorts of judgments. I hope your yoga friend returns and that she can be lucky enough to connect with you.

  16. auntiekim says:

    So glad you’re feeling better! I hope that you’ll give an encouraging word to the girl if you see her again. Those of us who’ve had weight problems can offer support like nobody else because only we truly understand. I laughed about how winded you are after your illness. I just had surgery 7 weeks and started walking again this week. Considering I was running regularly before surgery I was pretty surprised by how exhausted I was by a leisurely 30 min walk! It’s amazing how a little illness can mess with us! Glad you’re back on track though. I will be soon too :)

  17. To our one day shopping, mani/pedi/facial, massage, double date….we must add a yoga class! :)

    I know I’m late, but glad you and your hubby are doing better! Hope you are both enjoying a nice relaxing weekend together!

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