If you’ve ever been in a long term relationship then you know the saying, for better and for worse. For better is something like:
“Oh, darling, I love nothing more than listening to you laugh. It lights up the entire night sky.”
…while for worse might look a little like:
“I swear if that laugh doesn’t sound like a hyena giving birth. For crying out loud, I can’t even hear what’s being said in the movie – can’t you just be a little more QUIET!?”
Blaugh.com
Maintenance is a bit like experiencing the ups and downs in a long-term relationship. There are good days when everything is going along just fine and dandy. But then, there are other days when there is a bit of, how shall we say… inner turmoil? Really, most days I try not to dwell on being a maintainer. It’s just something I’ve accepted as part of my life and I do it. Since the beginning of this blog I’ve been stressing how important we are, how special we are, how capable we are during the process; that it’s not a feeling we achieve only when we reach our goal. The number on my scale which I’ve grown accustomed to seeing (give or take a couple of pounds) is only a number. It is not going to make me rich, introduce me to more people, or make me popular. When I see that number, step off the scale and carry on with my day, all that matters is that I am maintaining. But lately, I am getting so. weary. of. maintaining.
I am having a love/hate relationship with maintenance at the moment; I am in a funk, and I just need to vent.
I refuse to wallow, though. It’s not fair to me and the hard work I’ve done to get where I am, and it’s not fair to you – those who are in the process. So, for every bad thing I write about maintenance I’m going to think of a good thing to write as well. Gotta always look for that rainbow, right?
The Worse: In maintenance, there is minimal support. For those in the process of losing, there’s a whole slew of diet groups, forums, meetings, etc. Everyone seems to be trying to lose weight, so there are plenty of people out there to offer support. There are no maintain-your-weight groups for people like me, but imagine if there were. What on earth would we do at our meetings? High-five each other off the scale, saying, ‘Good for you! You didn’t change this week!’ No gain; no loss; no change.
The Better: maintainers ARE out there. You just have to hunt for them; and once you find each other? You cling to them like there’s no tomorrow because they are some of the most supportive, understanding people out there. And they will be there waiting for you when you get there.
The Worse: maintenance is like working for the boss from Hell. There is no time off, no rewards (who congratulates their employees for staying the same?), little payoff, and the vacation sucks. I work on this body in some form, 7 days a week with no breaks. When I was actively losing, I felt a huge sense of achievement when I’d step off the scale and be down a few pounds. It gave me the motivation to keep going because I was getting something in return. In maintenance, there is little emotional gratification when no change is the reward.
The Better: The health insurance is pretty darned good. My chances of getting diabetes has dramatically decreased. I take very little prescribed medication. No high blood pressure and very good cholesterol levels. I move easier, breathe easier, and do things that my body was once incapable of doing.
The Worse: Maintainers live an undercover life. There are people we know who never knew us when we were heavy. Of those that did, they forget how much of a struggle it was to get to where we are; the sacrifices we make in order to keep the weight off. The people around us think that we are just like everyone else; that we can eat like they do because we look the part of a thin person.
I have a working example of this one: Just yesterday someone became a little frustrated with me because I turned down an offer of some Godiva Chocolates. It was the 4th time they were offered to me during my visit. Finally, Ms. X said, ‘I know you like chocolate, Ellen. I don’t understand why you won’t allow yourself to have any.’ My response was quick and to the point. I said, ‘I’m choosing not to have any because right now, today – I don’t trust myself to taking just one piece. Today, I will want to eat the entire box.’ She just stared at me, and then laughed like I was joking with her. I stood my ground. This woman knew me when I was at my heaviest, yet refused to associate that person with the one she saw before her. She said, ‘But you’re thin now. You don’t have to worry about things like that anymore.’
I made an attempt at trying to explain to her that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, but she still didn’t get it. When you have a society that revolves around eating, it’s not easy always feeling like the oddball. Sometimes I just want to say, Why do you care what I choose to eat and what I choose NOT to eat? I don’t question you about YOUR choices. Please show me the same courtesy.
The Better: Just because I have these frustrations with maintenance doesn’t mean that you will, too. Everyone experiences life differently. Is it possible to be humbly grateful yet woefully exasperated at the same time? Apparently so.
In addition to publishing this post today, I’ve also called upon some of the bloggers I follow and admire to add their two cents on what this lifestyle means to them and how it affects their lives. Look for their thoughts in the comments section below. This is a topic that at some point, will affect every person within this weight loss community so whether you’ve reached your goal yet or not, please share your thoughts as well; I’d love to hear from you.
OMG this is an amazing post!!!!!! I have never been able to maintain so I know only too well all the “worsts” that come with it. As I read this, I am thinking about how I am pretty much, almost, there but how I know it will be something I struggle with always. Once upon a time I used to think I’d go on a diet and lose weight and that would be the end of the need for self-control and any food issues. How very wrong I was. Clearly I will be working on this probably forever. I suspect that for other people, it is not this hard. I think there are people who just were overweight and figured out how to lose it and don’t have the food and eating issues that I clearly seem to have. I so get that part about an undercover life, too. Really, Ellen, this post hits home for me in so many ways. So let me just say… we can make our own support group. You and me and several other bloggers out here. Not sure what that would look like but thanks to the blogworld we are not alone. Also, my “diet” forum has a whole maintainers section! Let me know if you want a link. So… last year sometime, when I was once again at or near goal, I had intended to write about what maintenance looks like. Then I regained again and that idea is still sitting on my long list of blog ideas for future posts.
As always love your posts!
First. This week i finally felt like I am in the home stretch of my journey. I stated that I was 33 pounds from my “target” weight. That target was basied on the BMI Charts that I feel are full BS! So I have spent the rest of the week really wondering what is my target weight? What do I want to achieve and how will i know when i get to where I should be? Any input on how you all decided that you were ready to maintane would be great!
The other thing is your statement about how we revolve around food! Just yesterday i stated that if i hit 100 pounds loss i am taking my trainer to dinner. really dinner talk about counter productive!! Habit perhaps? but rewards are associated with foods. So now i need a plan B!
I HEAR ya. I had great help, support, and micro-management from a trainer during periods of weight loss (lost 25 lbs) but then all that was stripped away and maintenance was left to me. I had to accept that it IS up to me (but support does help). It’s a process of learning to trust myself, learning what my limits are, what I can/can’t get away with. I screw up. Often.
I’m fortunate that I have found a few friends in a similar place. Common topics are: track our food or not, eat by hunger cues or schedule, get on the scale or go by clothes fit, carbs with protein before bed or not? You are right that there are ups and downs in the maintenance cycle.
I’m sure that people look at me and think I can garbage down whatever I want, but it’s so not true, especially being over 40. I’m sorta lean because I work at it. They don’t remember me 3 years ago, 25 lbs heavier.
The chocolate situation you described is repeated countless times in all our lives I’m sure. My husband got home from Mexico yesterday and looked genuinely insulted when I refused a shot of tequilla he brought home! It’s my choice, not to mention I have a race tomorrow! It’s amazing we have to defend ourselves!
Hang tough. You are healthy and wise!!
I think that maintenance is different for each of us, depending upon how we got to be obese in the first place. Me, I’ve pretty much run the gauntlet of disordered eating. I was (and still can be) a food user and abuser. So like others, including our dear Ellen, have mentioned, I don’t relate to food like “normal” people.
Maintenance, for me, includes work not only on the body but the soul and spirit as well. That’s where I was at my most unhealthy. As I do the work on those parts, the maintaining becomes a little easier. And for the most part, I have changed my lifestyle. It now demands some physical movement. I understand how directly my food choices affect my mood. I know how my mood affects my food choices and that’s where the spiral starts for me.
Sometimes I do the toddler thing and rant and rave because it’s not fair! Why can’t I be normal? Because I’m just me. Let’s leave normal out of it, shall we?
My knowledge of the maintainers cabal that you mentioned, Ellen, is that perhaps we are a bunch of perfectionist? Give us a goal (lose weight) and we can focus with the best of them. It’s when we’ve reached the goal and the focus goes fuzzy. There really isn’t a destination anymore and the focus should shift to the actual journey.
I think another of the fallacies of maintenance is that it is linear. I consider myself a maintainer. The truth is, my weight still fluctuates quite a bit. It is not as though every morning it is exactly the same. And I’m learning to be okay about the ups and not take too much credit for the downs, you know?
I love what you said Ellen about losing the weight won’t make me rich, etc. I can remember thinking that all my problems were weight related. Turns out, they weren’t, but I got the benefit of working on them without an extra hundred pounds to cart around in the process.
The view from here is pretty darned good. Oh, somedays are a bit foggy and drizzly, but I couldn’t have imagined what it would be like to be here thirteen years ago when I made my last scale run.
I haven’t necessarily changed my relationship with food. What I have changed is the life around it. I’m giving myself the opportunities to make other, more healthful choices and the farther I go into this, the more “normal” those choices seem.
But yea, I don’t have an external cheer crew. No one gasps when they see me anymore. There are no ego biscuits being tossed my way. I’ve gotta make my own.
Great topic, Ellen.
you put is so perfectly into words!!!
for me maintenance is still a scarey place, I have only been maintaining for 6-7 months now and I am afraid all the time of the slide back to my old weight. All you hear about is how “oh she gained it all back and some!!!” I don’t want to be that statistic!! I have allowed myself back to my old SF Vanilla creamer, then I wonder…. ok whats next? Snickers bars? McDonalds? Taco Bell? ….. AAAAHHHH!!!!
I am constantly reminding myself to be kind and patient with myself, just focus on today! eat on plan today, just do today and all those tomorrows will take care of themselves.
I love your blog, I am a faithful reader
Have you ever considered that perhaps you were always a thin person wearing fat in the past? That instead of putting on a thin suit to hide the still fat soul inside, that perhaps shedding the weight was like an archaeological journey to find the true self that was hidden before? I don’t think you have to be a fat girl wearing thin; I think that’s clinging to the negative symptoms. Maybe you could think some about the possibility of having been a healthy girl wearing fat for too long… and now you’re a healthy girl wearing a healthy body but fighting fat demons who threaten to return. Maybe the maintenance struggle is about fighting fat demon thoughts that threaten the healthy girl you always were, lost for a long time, and found again. I say we unite to support the Healthy Girl inside all of us.
This is a very interesting comment.
I have noticed there seem to be two sets of maintainers. One set feels they got down to their true/real self in losing the fat. They feel the fat was fat, a foreign object, and they have peeled it off their body. I am in this first set. But I will add I was afraid when I started losing the fat. Mentally afraid I was now ‘grab-able’. Afraid someone was going to drag me into a van in a parking lot. This fear hit as I crossed from the 200’s into the 100’s. I am still very careful (I am now 134-136lbs at 5’6” and 50 years old) but that fear went away as I worked though the pounds. I am no longer actively afraid. And I feel I am now in my real/true body (excess skin and all). This body feels like my real body.
Then there is a second set that seems to feel their fat body was their ‘real’ body and a body without fat is a foreign thing. They seem to feel very uncomfortable in their maintenance/low weight body for a very long time. I think this might be part of the group of maintainers who chose to maintain at higher weights. (their habits support higher weights and they feel more comfortable in those habits and can maintain there). I am not sure if this thinking (partly) has to do with being fat from childhood forward or if the fat offers protection or what.
Michele – very thoughtful comment!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post. Practically perfect (as Mary Poppins would say) evaluation of maintenance. It is first and foremost boring. That being said, it is also absolutely essential if we don’t want to end up back in the fat pool.
I’ve had a few food pushers but the worst ones just made me dig in my heels and refuse to budge. I worked in an office where the people snacked all day long on the most unhealthy things including doughnuts, cake, pie, candy, potato chips, milkshakes, nachos, bread and the list goes on. I can truthfully say that in eight months I never saw one of those people eat anything healthy.
It was funny that when I would peel an orange and start to eat it that most of them would comment on how good it smelled. They were not interested, however, in sharing it with me. They actually helped me as I got to my lowest weight since joining WW which was 132 pounds. They just didn’t understand my avoidance of their bad choices.
Carry on. The other choice is not acceptable to us maintainers.
I think there is a third group of us. Those that have been to maintenance, know what it looks and feels like, but for whatever reason, regained some or all of their weight. That group desperately wants to be back at goal and in maintenance and is willing to do the work to get there, but is also terrified of the same pattern repeating itself. I am in that group and that is why blogs of maintainers are my lifeline. I’ve BEEN there, I know what it feels like and I want it back. But I also know how hard it is and just pray that this time around I’ve learned the lessons that will keep me there once I’m back.
So for you maintainers, please don’t ever feel that your blog is dull or boring or you have nothing to say. Write about how hard it is, write when things are going well and write when life at maintenance is the PITS. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, I need you as much or more than I need the blogs of those currently losing. You are already a support group to me and I can’t wait to be back where you are.
Thank you, Ellen, for a wonderful post.
Sharon, I very much relate to what you say…I lost 55 pounds then regained half of it and the idea of having to re-lose (and then continue to lose because I never got to my goal weight in the first place) was just SO daunting! I decided to give that all up…I have lost more weight, but I don’t know how much. And it wasn’t until I read Ellen’s post that I realized that I am actually in maintenance mode these days. I know I could lose more, but I am not sure I want to. I certainly don’t want to gain, so maintaining my current weight is a victory (even though I don’t weigh myself, I am very much in tune with my body and emotions…I know when things are not right).
As usual Ellen your post is thought provoking and amazing! In all honesty. Maintainence has only been in my vocabulary as far as maintaining my heavy weight and hoping it doesn’t get any higher. I don’t know what it means to maintain my weight at a healthy weight. Having said that I like to read through all parts of the weight loss struggle from people who are just beginning, to half way there and to the “end” or maintainence period, which we all know is not the end, but rather a whole different beginning.
I can imagine how to tough it is to be in that spot and every example you gave is something I can imagine would be hard to go through. I also agree that it is hard to have lost the weight, to be thin and to have people wonder why you don’t or won’t eat certain things. I know that I will struggle with my weight my whole life. Whether I am at this weight or smaller. I just know that it is nice to know that there are people like you at the end of the rainbow waiting to go through the next difficult journey with me.
*pant* *pant* Got here as soon as I could!
Such a thoughtful and thought-provoking post! There are definitely ups and downs to maintenance, and it’s different for each of us. For the most part, I don’t struggle with it, and I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because I lost weight on my own terms and am now defining maintenance using the same criteria? Maybe because I was older (48) when I finally figured out my right path? Maybe because I focus more on mood and mindfulness and feelings than weight? Maybe because I learned to celebrate the part of me that loves sweets and chips and other unwholesome goodness and learned to live with it (or mostly without it, in this case), as opposed to thinking there was something *wrong* or abnormal and trying to squash a joyful thing?
I dunno. Maybe any or all of those things on any given day, but I think I find maintenance reasonably easy (though sometimes annoying) mostly because I did find a brilliant support group (present company included) of maintainers who share the unique aspects of this part of the process and allow me to loiter on their blogs and in their email boxes. It helps me enormously to share my thoughts and ideas and to learn from and be inspired by the actions of folks in a similar boat. And then there’s the happy notion that whatever we figure out for ourselves and share via this network will be here to help those who come after us. If I keep those thoughts in mind, the occasionally tiresome aspects of maintenance just fade to the background or disappear entirely.
But ask me again tomorrow and my outlook may be less sunny.
Can I weigh in again? This topic has me thinking… I’m also wondering if maybe the struggle is about not working on the issues that led to weight issues in the first place. So struggling as overweight, struggling to lose, and struggling to maintain are just three facets of the same thing. The struggle can’t minimize until the underlying things are addressed. It’s the foundation things are built on that must be taken care of. I’m still thinking…
I’m not at the maintaining stage but I’m scared of it. I have been having a heck of a time getting these last 20 lbs off that I’m afaid how it will be when I start to maintain. I’m afraid of the pounds coming back on. That one day I will wake up and all the hard work I did would be for nothing and the weight would be back. I know that’s not possible but it’s still a thought I have. I do have friends that refuse to remember the “old” me and have adapted to the new me. I have new friends that have no idea about the “old” me. I keep that hidden from certain people. They don’t know the struggles I have with food. It’s so easy for them to sit there and have the burger & fries and while I’m having the salad, meanwhile I’m dying to have what they are having. Oh and don’t forget the yummy dessert at the end of the meal.
This is an AMAZING post.
I am really quite fit today — I frequently get asked when I’ll be competing (in a women’s bb or physique show), I feel and look strong, I can breathe easily, etc. And yet I haven’t always been this way, and that seems to be so easy for some of those around me to forget. I was obese. And I fought really, really hard to lose the weight and achieve the physique I have today.
Yet still when [overweight and obese] people come up to me at the gym to ask for help or advice they always act so nervous, like I’m going to bite them or laugh at them or call them names. I want to grab them by the shoulders and say I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR
SHOESPANTS!And for me, honestly, maintaining is harder than losing. Which is why I do bulking/cutting cycles. It’s a cop-out. Because it’s really hard for me to turn down the whole box of chocolates when I don’t have a set-in-stone goal. And I know that’s something I probably am going to have to face within the next, oh probably three years.
Anyway — GREAT post. I’ll be coming back to check out the comments!
I will come back and read the comments (above) over the weekend. Looks like you had a very good response.
First, what was the deal with the chocolate lady that she was such a food pusher? If it had happened to me yesterday, I am not sure what I would have said. But after reading your experience I am forewarned and I think (for future event) I would not answer a thing about myself but would turn it around so it was all about her. (1. that is the 4th time you have asked me about the chocolate. why are you so invested in the chocolate that you are being so aggressive in pushing it on me when I clearly said no? 2. If I ate it, I would have explosive diarrhea all over your nice upholstery. . . 3. I just read an article on the number of insects and rat hair in chocolate bars and can no longer stand the sight of them. )
My simplest answer to maintenance is “I do not fight it”. It is what it is. I accept what it is. There is very little difference between weight loss and maintenance. The balance point between losing and holding is smaller number of calories than most people understand (like a ½ a baked potato and a piece of fruit except I can’t eat that many extra carbs). All my weight loss years were practice for maintenance. I firmly believe that the fat and food are just the parts we can see. I worked and continue to work on the inner issues that manifested as food/fat. I see an eating disorder therapist and a psychiatrist. I had to change a lot of things in my life. And it was well worth the effort. I didn’t change everything in one swoop. It was a lot of little habits over a long period of time. I am very pleased with where I am. I like having a nice family. I like having everything in my closet fit EVERY DAY. I like having NO pain. I like feeling positive. What I had to ‘give up’ seems like nothing in comparison to what I got. Even if I could eat junk and not gain, I would not eat it now, it is junk. Exercise is more about how I feel and being healthy (mentally and physically) than burning calories (I have never calculated calories burned). If I discovered I had to adjust my food again now, it would not be a big deal. If you are not familiar with my life and my blog, I suspect this will seem Pollyanna-ish. If you know me, you will understand I have been through a lot and this is genuinely the way I am. I try to be my own best friend and not my own worst enemy.
Getting close to the maintenance phase myself. Not really sure just how it’s going to change things. I think maybe my hope has been that I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and my body will reach some sort of equilibrium. I’m happy with the general level of physical activity I’m doing these days, and other than denying myself as many ‘treats’ as I’d like, I’m not really dieting per se.
I guess I’ll just have to enter this phase of not actively trying to lose weight and see how it goes.
What a great post Ellen. I’m still in “losing mode” but have heard many people say maintenance is JUST as difficult….you have put things in perspective. Have a great weekend.
Fantastic post Ellen! It couldn’t be more timely I am just banging my head against the wall over maintenance right now or I shuld say my inability to maintain for the last 11 weeks. I just did a nice long woe is me post on my blog. I do think those out there need to hear how hard maintenance is, harder than loosing weight itself! Even I am guilty of thinking that once I was “done” I could relax a little over the food and acitivty and that is total B-S!
I’ve gotten tired of counting every point of every step I run and of saying no. Like you if I say yes, I’ll eat the whole box.
This was such a good post, and to hear from a community of maintainers was great.
Maintenance is hard. Maintenance is easy. Maintenance never ends. darn it.
Man that was such a good post (just in case you did not get that the first fifty times!). And the comments are just as good. I am not a maintainer and it is so far off on my horizon, well I do not want to add eye strain to my issues, so…
I’ll tell you this. I adore reading maintainer information, thoughts, feelings, struggles. Love it. But I think I do forget that maintainers struggled to get there and it was no cake walk. I think regular people do not get what goes on in the minds of people who have food issues. That little chocolate story really drives that home. I like the “chocolate gives me explosive diarrhea” response. As you know I would! I will be using that mostly because I long for a little explosive diarrhea and believe in the power of suggestion.
Ellen how about putting this post in your little Support Team box? If ever there was a group of go to folks in the maintainer realm, these people are it. I like the sameness/diversity in the posts. Really thoughtful. Having a “back when I was working towards being a maintainer” reminds folks that you have been there and earned that.
Thank you for a very well written post! I have finally come to terms with the fact that maintenance has it’s ups and downs. The scale does not stay on that exact number, day after day, at least not for me!
I find that I have to keep working at being motivated to do this. At any moment something might happen that will trigger that emotional desire to stuff myself with food. That goes with being an emotional eater.
Maintenance is a still part of the journey not a destination at least for me! A support team for maintenance -great idea. I always thought that was where Weight Watchers failed the members. There is great support while you are losing weight but once you reach your goal the others in the meetings don’t or can’t relate to you anymore. The focus is a bit different when you reach your goal weight.
Thanks again for an awesome post!
Fabulous post and comments…I am quite a ways away from maintenance mode and am working on my overall relationship with the food and the weight and a question I have is more a general question..not just you.
WHY does it have to be a struggle (any point in it) the loss, the regain, or the maintenance…
And exactly WHAT, once u get there, are we trying to MAINTAIN?
I finally am starting to see maintenance on the horizon and it’s kind of nice. I can only imagine that maintenance will only be more difficult because we’re still surrounded by enormous amounts of food everywhere we turn. And just in case we’re able to resist that, the food pushers will be there to shove it back in our faces! Looking forward to a lifelong battle. But as you say, the benefits are fantastic!
Have a great weekend, Ellen!!!
Excellent post, Ellen. Sometimes we all need to vent.
I’m not sure if I have anything useful to add. I think I’ve developed some strategies that have made losing weight a lot easier and not like work. I think this is why I advise people who want to lose weight not to “exercise” but to find physical activities that they would love to do regardless of whether or not they have to lose weight. I now feel compelled to hike, bike, etc, and I never feel like it’s hard work. The eating part is different for me too since I love food and I don’t have any animosity toward it. The difference for me now is that I know when to stop and I’m not constantly pigging out on rich foods every day. I do feel bad for people who have an unhealthy relationship with food, you’re not the only person I’ve seen struggle constantly while maintaining. It’s quite common I guess. 
I finally updated my blog, by the way. I’m happy to report that updating is the only thing I’m struggling with these days.
You’ve helped me with this post and your comments this week to help me to understand where my over-training is really coming from. Not a need to win a marathon or be a speed-demon runner, but the stress that comes from maintenance.
In response (and in part, as a thank you to you) – I posted today about my struggle with maintenance.
http://laurajayne.me/2011/06/18/maintaining-weight-loss/
Thank you for ALWAYS saying the right thing (for me to hear) and helping me to understand that my struggle to “maintain” is shared and maybe even normal!
Sorry this is so late! I was on a micro-vacation (more on that in a future blog…it has to do with food and maintenance and giving myself a break from the food flogging…)
Great post, Ellen. Roxie really nailed something that I’ve been coming to terms with. She wrote: “I think another of the fallacies of maintenance is that it is linear. I consider myself a maintainer. The truth is, my weight still fluctuates quite a bit. It is not as though every morning it is exactly the same. And I’m learning to be okay about the ups and not take too much credit for the downs, you know?”
My weight has fluctuated a lot the last year, largely due to my knee surgery and … drum roll… perimenopause! Coming to terms with my ever-changing body (I’m 48) has been the biggest challenge so far for me in maintenance (4.5 years now).
As far as rewards go, right now I’m focused on exercise/fitness for rewards. Pushing myself to do another mile on my bike, another minute of intense walking to reach my 5K goal of walking one in 36 minutes…these things pay off in non-scale ways (because god knows that scale ain’t goin’ NOWHERE these day, girlfriend!). My thighs are rockin strong, even though the excess skin is still there. Strong thighs make me happy. Different focus, but it takes the same determintation I had when I lost weight. I think it’s a matter of finding somewhere else to take that positive, determined energy we had while losing weight.
I wish we could establish a social network specifically for maintainers. Something like Facebook, you know?
Thanks for such an honest post, Ellen.
I really really love this post. I’m not at the point where I’m maintaining yet. At the moment I look at those at my group classes who are in utter jealousy and admiration.
I’m nearly 50lbs down and I find it tough to keep the battle between what I want to eat and what I should eat under control. I’m always a fan of a little of what you fancy, but I find that once I have a dose of processed sugar (like the Godiva chocolates you spoke of) well I -like you would doubt my ability to stop on that day.
I can understand how it would be frustrating, obviously so much of my week is dedicated to thoughts about what the scales will say and of course the buzz which comes from a loss. But I kind of think there must be something really positive about having lost all of your weight and now be focusing on maintaining, that’s so amazing. I wonder if I’ll ever get there, but I can understand how its like walking a tightrope trying to stay balanced and not gain.
I really like this post, it was so interesting to see a different perspective.
Dawniepants
I can definitely relate to this post. After losing 40+lbs and having everyone notice and comment on the weight loss I felt a lot of pressure to keep it off. Since then I have gained some of it back and while I am healthier overall now I still can’t help but look at photos from then and cringe that I let myself gain again. I am trying to slowly lose it through healthy eating and exercise but there is still a lot of stress around wanting my “old” body back right NOW! I hope that this time around I will adopt the lifestyle that goes with my happy weight so maintaining it isn’t a struggle.
I loved the post and the comments! So much wisdom and information here…
Ellen – be very proud of the job you did with this post. You were gracious and a very good hostess. You have a real knack for these type of ‘everyone welcome, let’s talk’ posts. And you pick positive, helpful topics when you do them (thinking of your ongoing challenge and your positive series in particular).
Excellent post! We all learn from each other and learn best from those who share our experience. We maintainers are a breed growing in popularity but we need to be honest: it is not easy and it is not always a happy place to be. When I share my troubles and hear from others with similar experiences and we share our paths together I am re-energized each and every time. THANK YOU for such a well written and honest post. THANK YOU to all the people who commented and added their thoughts. Together we get better!
Jane~
Keepingthepoundsoff.com
Hi – I’ve just come here via Vicki, via Refuse to Regain. What a great post, and what thought-provoking comments!
I’m a long-term maintainer (90 pounds for 7.5 years at age 55) and I agree with Vicki’s comment: “What I had to ‘give up’ seems like nothing in comparison to what I got.”
But yes, many other people will Just Never Get It, and the food pushers will always be with us…
Brilliant post, Ellen. I’m clinging on to you already and I haven’t even reached maintenance yet. When I actually reach maintenance, I’ve decided I’ll just move into your spare room because your advice is amazing and I know that i’ll probably ask so many questions and seek as much advice as possible.
Seriously Ellen, if you wrote a book on your experiences and advice, we’ll be millionnaires! (Did I say we? I meant you!)
I completely understand where you are coming from Ellen. For me, things are easier when I am faced with an active goal…like to lose 5 pounds by August 1. But a goal of Don’t gain any weight ‘forever’ seems so unreasonable and strange, especially since for many of us, diets have been our lives for as long as we can remember. I think I had an issue of being a chronic dieter. Diets give me a purpose, an identity, a ‘group’ to associate with, a goal, a bond with others, attention from others, but it becomes my whole life rather then just a way of life.
I’ve seen a lot of people (my self included) self-sabotage as they get closer to goal, they plateau or start gaining just so that they can lose again and have their dieter’s identity back. I’ve also experienced first hand how once a person gets to goal they kinda get pushed out of the nest and are shunned from the ones who are still losing or struggling with their weight-loss. It’s as if they don’t feel that I can relate to them in any way…saying things like “oh easy for you to say, you’re thin now”…So yea, I don’t fit in with the still losing weight group and I don’t fit in with the “normal” group who tease me for getting my dressing on the side and opting for a Skinny Margarita instead of the Grande.
For me, it really boils down to finding a definition for myself that is outside of ‘dieter’ or ‘former fat chick’. I’m neither of those now, and it probably would have been healthier for me to have NEVER identified myself as those things before but in other terms…daughter, hard worker, runner, horseback rider, girlfriend, awesome friend, cool chick =), etc.
There are tons of benefits maintaining a healthy weight and for some of us it will be hard work, forever. But, for me personally, the more I develop other areas of my life and create happiness in all of the big AND small things, the more I can relinquish my old mentality that keeps me trapped in that one dimensional dieter’s plane.
Just my rambling thoughts…
Hello! I have been in maintenance now for 6 months and I just found your blog
Thank you for this post on maintenance. I LOVE IT! THANKS AGAIN!
Ask chocolate-pushing lady if she would go wave a bottle of gin under the nose of someone who’s been sober since graduating AlAnon ten years ago.
Wow! What a powerful post. I felt like I was reading my own story! I am soooo very thankful that I stumbled upon your blog last night! I look forward to catching up on all your older posts! I never knew there was support for maintainers out here! I am maintaining an 80 lb loss. Maintenance is so much harder than losing for me. Just yesterday I gave in to the peanut butter. I want to learn why this happens. I think I have found a place to start to learn! Thank you!!!
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I never quite thought of it as living an undercover life, but it’s appropriate. Most at work didn’t know me when I was bigger, and many friends have forgotten. I’ve gotten past the resentment of not being able to eat like a “normal” person, for the most part, but I console myself in that I don’t have to eat as little as most dieters, mostly because I lost the weight so slow (50 pounds in 1.5 years). It really has become a lifestyle, though I have to constantly monitor against scale creep. It’s an ongoing process to figure this out, how to work this psychologically, food-wise, and exercise-wise.
BTW, just finished reading through the comments, I really relate to what Cammy said– “Maybe because I learned to celebrate the part of me that loves sweets and chips and other unwholesome goodness and learned to live with it (or mostly without it, in this case), as opposed to thinking there was something *wrong* or abnormal and trying to squash a joyful thing?” I don’t think I have food issues anymore, unless I’m drinking, then I eat too much, and I wonder if it’s because I’ve also learned to accept my, uh, hedonistic tendencies, and embrace them, indulge them a little, instead of stifling and having to white-knuckle it. If someone offers me a Godiva chocolate, you can believe I’m having one. But one is enough.
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Yes, yes, and yes. I’ve been maintaining for 4 years and it’s hard. But, as they say, it’s hard being fat, too. I figure w/food and exercise, about 15% of my waking life sucks, but the other 85% is better. When I feel sorry for myself, I have to ask myself, am I really too self-depriving? I might need to eat a Godiva chocolate. But since I journal my food, I can tell if it’s really true or I’m just doing internal drama. The answer varies.
As for the lack of support, that’s the way it is. People want weight loss to be a wonderful fantasy–they are actively resentful when they find out it means eternal vigilance. You just have to get support where you can find it–and you know it’s out there, on the internet, with other maintainers. Best of luck to you.