My art studio is in my basement – by the washer and dryer. Yeah I know, not terribly inspiring but there is plenty of room for the years and years worth of art supplies I have accumulated, and plenty of room to sling paint around without worry that I’m going to ruin a rug or piece of furniture.
Generally speaking, I am not the kind of person who leaves things unfinished. But within the past 5-6 months, I’ve been having a love/hate relationship with painting. Whenever I begin a painting I go through a honeymoon phase. It’s exciting and new; I have the finished image already worked out in my head. But then after working for a few days, I walk away.
The above photo tells a story with some unflattering words for this newly acquired habit of mine: quitter, slacker, under-achiever, lazy.
I passed those paintings every time I washed a load of laundry. I’d walk by and see them sitting there out of the corner of my eye and each time I did, I’d get this nagging feeling in my gut reminding me that I ‘needed’ to finish them. Notice I didn’t use the word want. There is a huge difference between the two. In reality, I need to work; I need to pay my bills; to get up in the mornings. I should want to do the things that normally bring joy and a sense of meaning to my life. Instead, what was once my passion was now bringing me anxiety and a sense of dread. I knew that I had to do something but truthfully, it scared the hell out of me. Have you ever done something for so long that it becomes an extension of who you are? And then lost your passion for it?
Parents, teachers, coaches have instilled in us since we were children that we should never, ever quit something we’ve started because it is considered the same as failing. That’s a harsh word, failure. It makes us feel weak; unreliable, and reckless.
What if it were OK to set something aside for a bit? What if it were perfectly acceptable to put a pin in it; to let it simmer about for a while? Dare I say that depending on the circumstances, it could actually be better to completely let go of something with the intention of never looking back?
Fill in the blank: What would happen if I quit _________? (painting? running? blogging? hanging out with people that are not good for me anymore?) Would it make me sad? Would I miss it? Would I feel lost without it?
I decided to do a little experiment. First, I assured myself that it would only be for one month – then I would re-evaluate the situation. I also began telling myself that I was not throwing them away; I was just moving them for a while. Once I became comfortable with that idea, I packed up the paintings. I cleaned my work station and placed all of my brushes and paint into a box – and I put everything away. Let me tell you what happened the next time I went downstairs to do laundry: I felt as though a 4 ton weight had been lifted from my my mind.
At first I admit, it was bittersweet. The sense of relief was incredibly freeing, yet sad at the same time. Not having my paintings sitting there as a constant reminder of my failure to finish felt great but I also felt a sense of mourning, too. It was like I had packed up and tucked away a piece of myself.
It’s been just under a month now and I have taken new direction. I may not be finishing my paintings but I am rediscovering ceramics. I am also writing more; blogging with less worry about what subject is yet to come. I may not be fine-tuning my painting skills, but I’m gaining strength and experience in other areas. And do you want to know something else? Now that I no longer feel like I should paint, I’m finding that I miss it. This proves that the phrase to quit gets a bad wrap sometimes. It sounds so final – and maybe under the right circumstances it is. But it doesn’t always have to be forever.
Let me be clear about something before I receive unpleasant comments or email: I’m not advocating that I think it’s a good idea to quit eating healthy, stop exercising, or ditch your job. I’m simply saying that when things aren’t working anymore, it’s like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. Hammer away all you like but if it doesn’t feel like a good fit, maybe it isn’t.
Sometimes quitting is the only thing that will set you free. It can be very empowering to let go of something that no longer describes who you are, and it teaches that sometimes the best advice is to cut your losses and not see things through to the end.
What’s not working for you anymore?
I for one think it's very healthy and wise to recognize when something isn't working for you. You're right, if something is causing anxiety and nagging anything…time to put it away for a while! I don't equate that with failure at all! I think that is wisdom! Sometimes you need to continue on even when it's hard, but when it comes to hobbies or things we love to do, when they stop being enjoyable, then it's time to stop doing them. For a while anyway, until the desire comes back! I say good for you!!!!
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What a wonderful post!! And yes, once we free ourselves up from the "have tos" and start thinking about the "want tos" amazing things happen! Life is too short to do things that don't work!!
Dieting, counting calories and participating in "challenges" didn't work for me but I kept at it because I thought it was the only way…and then I quit and amazing things started to happen. And you are so right…there is so much guilt associated with "quitting" but in reality it opens the door for other, better ways of being!
My recent post What If We Took Control Out Of The Equation
I couldn't have said it better myself, Karen. You've obviously given this a lot of thought as well, and I'm glad you've freed yourself from what others deem 'appropriate'. It's a learning process, isn't it?
I totally get this! There are some things in life that we should do because we get something from them – fulfillment of some kind, joy, whatever it is. I find it very true for blogging. Blogging should be my happy place and if it is becoming something I HAVE to do or burdensome or not enjoyable, then I need to reevaluate. It is like that old concept of learning to say "no" to things in life. Kudos to you for working this out for yourself. I don't see it as quitting or cutting losses but as changing direction. Change can be a very good thing sometimes.
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YES!! I had to do something similar with my fiction writing. i filed away the scribbled story notes and story starts, knowing that I'll come back to them someday, but it's not where my heart is right now.
As for how this concept applies to healthy(-ish) eating and exercising for me, well, as I say in my 'about' section, I finally realized that following other people's diets (low carb, low fat, low whatever) wasn't working for me. I had to find a way I *wanted* to eat that would result in a healthier me. Once I "got" that, it really wasn't that hard.
You're right, Cammy Everyone seems to have an opinion as to how things should be done but it really comes down to each individual. I don't think I ever knew that you wrote fiction – how exciting. That's another one that can get very frustrating. A blank page is as bad as a blank canvas.
I was an avid quilter in my fat years. Taught, had a line of patterns sold nationally, was exhibited regularly, did commissioned pieces, did wonderful pieces for myself/house/family.
I understand totally about having the STUFF weighing you down emotionally. I also was haunted by how much $$$ I had invested. At the beginning of my process I made a conscious decision to get rid of all most all of it. I had a massive garage sale that was specifically advertised as "quilters stash sale". Most of it went then. And a few years later I went back through the things I thought I wanted and donated them to a local quilt group.
This is one of the most freeing things I ever did.
My recent post The after It can bite one in the butt Mine is not biting- but it is making me aware And when I am aware- I write
It really is freeing if you know you have moved on to a different place in life.=C2=A0 I haven't gotten that far, yet.=C2=A0 I know that = I'll eventually come back to the painting world but my heart just isn't in it right now and it took me a long time to accept that that's OK.
This is a really good post — thought-provoking for sure. Although I could talk about a few other things, the first thing that came to mind was how I decided not to spend any time with certain people while I was home on this visit. I had a few "I should" moments, but then I realized it just wasn't good for me. It's okay to say goodbye, whether to an activity, a person, or even a manner of thinking. There's a bit of sadness over any loss. I was slightly sad to not see these people, but what I gained in the process was so good for me. I was proud for setting that boundary, I was happy to do the things I wanted to do, I was happy to put my energy toward things that were restorative and helpful rather than draining and frustrating.
I also think about my relationship with the scale. It's a useful tool for some people, but it's often a torture device for me. I am more in tune with my hunger and my body when NOT using it than when using it. It's okay to not know precisely what my weight is… what really matters is that I'm eating healthy foods in reasonable portions and exercising several times per week.
Well said, Michele. I can especially relate to the scale. It takes courage to step 'outside the box' and think for ourselves; very easy to keep things at status quo. Good for you in setting boundaries regarding old relationships. That is not easily done.
One day I ran into a quilter acquaintance at the grocery store and she very plainly asked me WHY I had purged the stuff and stopped quilting. And without even thinking about it, I replied – I don't want to be fat any more.
I am not at all saying your painting was linked to your former excess weight.
But my quilting was – it kept me in the house, it kept me sitting, it used up all of my time.
If I had been single or even no kids. I am not sure quitting would have been necessary. But I have to really prioritize my time. And FOR ME, this was a very necessary part of the process.
Part one was getting rid of the weight of the STUFF
Part two was changing my habits
good post
(your blog made me split this in two parts FYI)
My recent post The after It can bite one in the butt Mine is not biting- but it is making me aware And when I am aware- I write
I totally get this and apply it to my running all the time. It's one of the reasons I refuse to constantly race. Because I don't want to constantly be "in training." Sometimes, I want to run just because it feels good and not because I "have to" do a certain number of minutes or miles.
How fun to see where you will go now that it's not a burden!
My recent post This Season of Love in Three Parts- The Finale
Setting your own boundaries puts you more in control, doesn't it Helen? I think I was forcing the act of painting to happen and not taking charge of my feelings towards it. I was wondering if anyone would bring up running. Even though I don't personally run, I could see some people struggling to 'make' it a reality instead of something they enjoy. It sounds like you are doing just that – enjoying it because you want to….not because you need to keep that status of 'being' a runner.
I think creative people are always changing their interests and hobbies because they find new inspirations and need new challenges. I put things aside. Sometimes I go back to them and sometimes I don't.
I don't think that's being a quitter. I've made no commitments to anyone, I've simply lost interest for the time being. Giving yourself permission to be you is a good thing.
Stephanie, I was hoping you'd read this post and give some perspective. Being a fellow artist I often wondered how you must deal with this kind of thing.
I found myself nodding throughout this post. I totally get the whole concept, including the words you used to describe yourself. And I recognized that feeling of relief. I felt it myself this week when I resigned from my job – the one that I loved and threw myself into with total abandon.
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Wow, Hanlie! Now, that IS a major shift! Good for you in recognizing that you needed a change, although I'm sure it must have been a bit scary for you It's very brave to say 'I've had enough!' I hope you are feeling empowered by your decision.
I agree with what you say. Sometimes the best decision is to quit, especially if someone has tried their best to make something work. If there is no way forward then holding your hands up and saying "i've tried my best but this isn't going to work" could end up meaning you put more time and effort into another task and get the benefits out of that instead. I guess in your case, you put more time into things like blogging and now you get the reward of knowing me!! Woo!!
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Is it really quitting? Is it giving up and admitting failure? Or is it simply a case of growth? I have more crafts items in my closet than should be legal to have. They have been boxed up for several years. It was not because I gave any of them up or admitted failure, it was because of where I was in my life. I was a mom with young children who did not have time for them. Now that the girls are getting older and really want to participate in crafts with me, I find myself digging those supplies out. The interesting thing is that I now see those supplies in a new way – new ways to use them, new memories to create. Instead of being my personal hideaway and therapy, those craft items have become a tangible way to connect with my children. I have found new joy in “me” time and creating items that reflect who I am now. I see all those supplies with fresh eyes and find myself thinking outside the box of what they are “supposed” to be used for and discovering what can be.
Instead of thinking of it as quitting, I am learning to embrace each new part of my life, to welcome the growth and potential.
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