You are about to read the second half of my two-part post. If you missed yesterday’s post, you will want to read it first here before reading part II.
My mother has never showed a hint of anger towards anyone over this accident. Yes she said, he was going too fast. Yes, he most certainly should have stopped, ‘but under different circumstances it could have been any one of my kids behind that wheel, making a foolish mistake at that age.’ I tried very hard to remember her words as I made my way up the courthouse steps.
Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. My husband was able to meet me at the courthouse and my nephew came as well. We entered the courtroom and slipped into the pew at the back of the room.
People were coming and going as cases ended while new ones began. The victim’s advocate saw us arrive and came back to sit next to us. She asked if one of us wanted to speak during the sentencing. I could not bring myself to do it without bursting into tears. I will probably always regret that I wasn’t able to get it together enough to do this one thing. My husband had a few words with the prosecutor and agreed to speak on the family’s behalf, for which I was so grateful.
We continued to wait for over an hour before a young man and two women sat down next to us. It wasn’t until the case was called before I realized I was sitting in the same pew as the man involved in the accident along with members of his family.
Two hours and several cases later, it was time. The prosecutor, defense attorney and defendant stood before the judge. When the judge asked if there were any witnesses, my husband was called to be sworn in and stood at his place in front of the bench. He recounted what happened while I watched the replay in my head for the hundredth time. When the defendant’s turn came to speak before the court I heard phrases like ….didn’t know anyone was hurt……thought I’d just hit a sign……so sorry for what I did. When the judge gave his sentence and it was over, my chance came to speak to the defendant and his family on my mother’s behalf.
For months we have ached over the events surrounding this accident, but my heart softened as a very young man and his grandmother stood in front of me on Tuesday; he looked me straight in the eyes and I saw the shame and guilt he felt over fleeing the accident. Suddenly I saw them not as enemies but as people – just like us. The first few moments were awkward, but the emotion we all felt was so overwhelming, so genuine, the words came quickly. We spoke; we cried; we even hugged.
And after four months of worry, it was over.
My mother may have physical limitations for the rest of her life but she is taking it in stride. As I watch her heal both physically and emotionally I realize that she has every right to say, ‘I’ve lost so much; where do I go from here?’ but she chooses not to look at life that way. She made the decision to forgive. She continues to live one moment at a time, and challenges her own comfort zone each and every day. I would be foolish not to open myself up for a life lesson, here.
I hesitated writing this post. Part of me felt like I was imposing on my readers. I want this to be a place where you can come, hang out for a minute or two, and maybe take something of interest with you as you move on to the other blogs on your list. Maybe this was a little too personal for you; a little too off-topic; but I just have to say how deeply touched I am with every single comment left for me yesterday. I was overwhelmed at the supportive and comforting words you all gave and I feel so much a part of this incredible community here online. I truly do have the best readers around.
Thanks for reading, as always. See you back here Sunday.
What a beautiful story of grace and forgiveness. Your mother sounds like an incredible woman who raised a wise daughter and continues to show grace in a difficult situation. I feel as if I know you better – thanks for sharing this story. It has encouraged me to be a better model of grace today.
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I'm so sorry for all your mother has been through. And yes, there's a lesson in her forgiving and enduring spirit for you (for all of us, really).
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You are not imposing on us. There was a very strong message to be learned from this and I am happy you shared it. I think everyone can relate to this in their own way. I learned two things, one life shouldn't be taken for granted and two forgiving person who admit they are wrong releases helps with the healing process. Your mother seems like a remarkable woman, and she seems very selfless. Thanks again for sharing your story!
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I think this was very appropriate for the blog (so long as you feel comfortable sharing so much with strangers). It's interesting how perspectives can change so quickly.
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It's not too personal. First of all, it's YOUR blog – say what you want. As for taking something away? This post is chock full of grace and forgiveness and so many lessons I am sure someone will read it and find healing. Hugs and blessings to your family.
First – I am glad you posted this because I am glad to learn more about you and add another drop in the bucket of friendship we are filling.
Second – I think this was very, very appropriate for the blog. Part of losing weight is battling all the demons that live inside of us – physical, emotional, and psychological. You are are healing yourself by letting this wound "drain", you are allowing others to be there for you, you are showing others your personal steps of healing and grace. I have learned a lot from your blog in just the short time it has been up. Thank you for trusting us enough to show us part of your heart.
MM
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I have said (frequently) on my own blog that all of these odds and ends of things that don't appear to be maintenance, actually ARE maintenance.
In the throes of weight loss, it is often more "I wanted to eat the chocolate, I shouldn't eat the chocolate, I ate the chocolate, Why oh why did I have to eat SO MUCH chocolate" types of posts.
And I think maintenance is more incorporating DEALING with all the outside forces while still taking care of ourselves and our families.
And I think (personally) it is important to write these types of posts and talk about how things impact us. We have hills and we have valleys and it is imporant to talk about how we DEAL. Not dealing is a major factor in weight regain.
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Thanks, Vickie. I have to keep reminding myself of that. You are right in that refusing to deal with issues totally can lead back to weight gain. I didn't realize how stressed I was about this until it showed up on the scale. Then I realized I was stress eating without even realizing it. Greatly appreciate your comments
And
your whole topic is of particular interest to me as I struggle with the fear of having something outside of my control happen. It is sort of Sophie's Choice, child kidnappened, Indian Trail of Tears, Concentration Camps fears. (very ironically my therapist's grandmother marched in the Indian Trail of Tears and a farmer along the way married her and saved her).
Minding my own business and having something happen (being hit or injured or getting sick)
is part of my fear that leads to anxiety. and anxiety leads to compulsive behaviors like over eating. So your topic was actually SPOT ON for me.
It is probably spot on for a lot of people. It is just isn't obviously so (like chocolate woe posts).
My recent post Alteration Dress Pictures – befores and afters
AND
There are other things I do better myself. Lots of things actually. There are a lot of things I do better for my husband (than he would do himself) and of course kids. There are things I have someone do for me. Because it is better for me and it also has a better outcome. I think the point is that someone (your husband) represented the family. It might have kept the day more even keel for you. It is not a failing that you didn't speak yourself. It might well have been the best choice.
My recent post Alteration Dress Pictures – befores and afters
Your story brought tears to my eyes Ellen. I was shocked to see that he got no time in jail, but after reading this, I have forgiven him too! It's easy to hate or be mad at someone that you have never met. For you, Ellen, to actually hear him and his family talk about it, and see the grief it has brought them along with your own families grief, must have been so hard, but yet you must be so relieved. I'm glad it's over for you, and now you can move on.
Mercy, I just got all choked up too! Your mother is amazing and I'm sure you take after her as well. Don't ever feel like you're imposing on your readers (although I know the feeling), we are all full of wonderful support for whatever you send our way.
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Not only is your mother an incredible inspirational woman but I also think you and your family are incredible people too for everything you've had to go through leading up to this day and how it will affect your lives in the future. Also coming face to face with the defendant and his family is something which has probably been acted out in your head time after time with different outcomes everytime, so to read that you spoke, cried and even hugged is pretty remarkable to me.
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Your mother is a very wise, gracious lady, and is setting an example of forgiveness for everyone who knows her. This blog is primarily for you. Never hesitate to write about that which is meaningful and helpful to you. I do the same with my blog–it helps me work through thoughts and makes my choices more clear to me. This must have been a very difficult ordeal for you and your family, but I can also sense that there has been a tremendous amount of growth. Take care…
Thank you, Jane. Being a newbie blogger I am still trying to figure out what's 'appropriate' to write about. Weird. I'm glad to see that you do that too, though. Thanks so much for reading and leaving such a nice comment
Not only am I amazed you found the strength to write this post and shared this post with us, I am amazed by your grace and forgiveness. I've always called you inspirational from we first met on here because of your fight to be a healthier person, now you've shown me that your pretty inspirational in most things. And the apple didn't fall too far from the tree eh? Your Mum passed on great attributes. I know what you've all gone through was unbelieveably hard and will be for a while, but with the case behind you all, you can begin to heal emotionally and physically.
It's a true honour to read your words Ellen and get to know the person behind them. You ROCK!
Miongháire a choinneáil, slán go fóill! (Keep smiling, bye for now)
Thanks for sharing that wonderful story of forgiveness, grace and encouragement.
Thanks for sharing your life .
God bless you and your family!
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I am extremely glad that you shared this with us. It seems evident, to me, where you got your open and good-hearted spirit.
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Oh and it's linking to a post on my blog that I made yesterday but I don't think I know how to change that…
Thanks for being yourself. Thanks for sharing something so close to your heart. Your mother is a remarkable person. She gives me a lot to think about and a wonderful example of grace to remember.