It must have been fate that I read this blog post from Lynn’s Weigh this evening. I haven’t read my usual blogs for well over a year – since I began painting full-time. Yet here I was, feeling sorry for myself, wasting time about the Internet and came across the title of your Lynn’s blog in my bookmarks section on Internet Explorer (which, by the way, I don’t even use anymore as a browser). Fate indeed.
Lynn left a comment on my blog several weeks ago about having had hip replacement surgery. I made a mental note to visit her blog to see how she was doing but because of thoughts regarding my own impending surgery, it slipped my mind. When I came across it tonight I immediately resonated with Lynn’s words as though they were my own. It was about letting others do for you when you can’t do for yourself.
It has been five days now since my shoulder surgery. What I thought would be a reasonable and common fix ended up being a very extensive repair. The mass that was resting on my shoulder blade was not a mass at all, but rather the actual shoulder blade itself. Since my initial injury last May, everything began to deteriorate and my shoulder blade became misaligned. In addition to having no cartilage where the ball of my arm meets the socket of my shoulder I had to have a portion of my shoulder blade sawed down as it was causing nerve damage and muscle atrophy underneath.
I am now on a passive mobility machine which moves my arm for me so it doesn’t freeze during this part of the healing process while I wait for my staples to be removed. I will then begin a very long and grueling physical therapy for several months. If everything goes well I should be back to painting within the next few months. I have however, received nerve damage to my painting hand since the operation which has left my thumb and forefinger partially numb. I am hoping this is temporary.
I am having a very difficult time allowing others to do for me, as Lynn was mentioning in her own blog post. The people I would have expected to help me have been scarce, proving themselves to be unavailable either physically or emotionally. Those of whom I am not used to asking for help have offered to assist me and I have been very resistant, Instead simply wanting to remain in my house closed off from everyone and wallow in my own little world. Such is the life of this former caregiver; if I am not allowed to help others, God for bid I allow any help to be given unto me. I realize how absurd and silly this sounds but it has truly been a battle.
My husband has been amazing through all of this and I am very grateful for his attention and love. My dogs have been pretty amazing as well, taking shifts on who will watch over me during the day and night. I have had one of them by my side nonstop since my return home.
Thank you Lynn, for your post. I’m sure you had no idea that you wrote it specifically for me (or so I tell myself) but it has given me much to think about. Recover well, my friend. And to each of you who are going through a similar experience… we will get through this.